Our Journey to 6

"Christmas Picture" - finally!!!

2012-01-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

Well, maybe we will call it a New Year's picture, or by the time we actually get them printed out and mailed - a Valentine's picture! But, we did actually get around to taking pictures of all our monkeys - and oh my, they could not be any cuter! Here are a few of them - hopefully you will be seeing one in your mailbox soon!!!

Our Crazy Life!

2011-12-31T19:43:00.000-05:00

Oh my, December has definitely not been boring in our house! Let's start with the good stuff - Alle is continuing to thrive and our little chunk:) is growing more every day! She is starting to babble a lot more, and is getting so much more comfortable not having me in the same room as she is every minute! (most minutes she still prefers to be held, but there are times when she is happily playing with her toys in a different room!). The boys have had a great vacation from school for the last week - we spent the week in Richmond with my family, celebrating birthdays and Christmas and just loving being together! And Hannah - where to start? Our precious little one has definitely had more than her share in her 4 short years of life with her juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. We are so thankful that she continues to be in remission and we pray that it stays that way! BUT, for the last 6+ months she has been complaining that her "side" hurt. First we thought that she was anxious about Alle coming home, then maybe her arthritis had spread into her hip, then maybe she had a stomach virus, then maybe she was constipated, then perhaps it was a convenient excuse to not eat her supper. It was never bad enough that she was screaming in agony, just an on and off "my side is hurting - can I lay on the couch?" I mentioned it to the doctor multiple times and she thought the same thing that I did - gas pains, etc. Then, about 2 months ago, she started throwing up. Once a week, in the morning, after moaning and groaning all night. and then she was fine. so again - the stomach bug? I was a clorox wipe fiend. But, no one else ever got it. Ever. But every week - she threw up once in the morning and then nothing. After 7 weeks of this, my momma/nurse radar was going off. She did not have a fever, no other symptoms, but something was not right. So I called the doctor, again, last Thursday. What should I do? I think that there is something wrong but when I verbalize what is going on, I know that I sound completely crazy. They did not know what to do, but just in case they suggested that I take her to the ER, because they had nothing. So, off we went to the er, last thursday. Now, I am a nurse, and if some neurotic mother told me what I told that ER nurse, I probably would have struggled to keep a straight face, and then as soon as I was out of the room I would have burst into laughter and told all my coworkers about the whack job that was in room 11. Anyways, the nurse pretty much told me that she thought Hannah was "anxious about her schedule" and was "throwing up because of anxiety". Okay. and then the doctor decided that "she has esophageal reflux". Really? because the pain is in her side! and so I harped, and bugged, and they finally ordered an abdominal ultrasound and then were going to discharge us. But, the ultrasound, and the following CT scan, showed severe left hydronephrosis. Basically, they believe that she has a congenital condition were her ureter (the tube connecting the kidney to the bladder) is overlapped at the top with another vessel (usually all the vessels just hand out side by side:). As she grew, the other vessel has caused an obstruction, which in turn is not allowing urine to flow through the ureter to the bladder. In short, her kidney is huge, and dying. If left alone, she would lose all kidney function in her left kidney. Her right kidney has been compensating superbly, and so far, while she has permanent kidney damage, she will most likely return to adequate function once the problem is taken care of. So, after a few more tests (not so much fun with IV's and catheters), her pediatric nephrologist will go in with a robot and cut out the obstructed area, and reattach the ureter to the kidney. they will place a stent (a temporary tube for the urine to flow through until the ureter is healed). She will be in surgery for several hours, and then in the hospital for about 3 days after. Fun times, I tell you, fun times. This is something that is usually caught at birth, and if it does not resolve spontaneously (which in many cases it does - Noah had it in-utero and it resolve three months after birth), the child has surgery before the age of three to prevent permanent kidney damage. Unfortunately, we had no idea, and are just catching it now. Thankfully, our ped. nephrologist is one of the best in the country, and hopefully this will all be behind us in a couple of weeks. Never boring in our house!
Okay - are you still there?:) Sorry for the long post - I have had so many wonderful friends and family ask about exactly what was happening, and thought that it would be best to try to explain it here! We are anticipating surgery in the next few weeks, and we covet your prayers and support as we support our precious Hannah.
Okay - I leave you with some pics of my girls that I snapped at the beginning of the month. Hopefully I will be able to take some of all my monkeys on monday - they are growing so fast, I just want to freeze time!
Have a blessed New Year!!!

Happy Birthday Hannah!!!!

2011-11-16T06:44:00.000-05:00

Our precious Hannah turns 4 today!!! I cannot believe how fast the past 4 years have gone. Hannah - you are such a blessing in our lives!! You are mommy's girl, always ready for a cuddle, to read a princess book, to dress up like Cinderella, to play light sabers with her boys...... We pray that your 4th year is full of love and joy! We love you Hannah!!!!

Our Alle turns ONE!!!!!

2011-10-13T06:38:00.000-04:00

Happy 1st Birthday, precious girl!!!!! I cannot believe that today you turn one, and that you have been in our arms for four months. I have very mixed emotions flowing through me today, many of which I did not expect. I feel grief over the 4 months that I did not know you, over the eight months that you spent out of our arms. I am mourning for your birth mother today, thanking her from the bottom of my heart for the precious gift that she gave us. I am excited to watch you grow this coming year, to see the world through your huge, beautiful eyes. I am so blessed to call you my daughter. Your laughter and smiles light up our family, and I am constantly amazed at the complete way you have attached to me, unconditionally. I love your kisses (although we are working on the closed-mouth kiss), and your cuddles in the morning. I love the way you kick your feet when you see "your kids", and the joy in your smile when they kiss your forehead. Part of me cannot wait to see you grow, while another part wants to stop time and enjoy this stage. Happy Birthday, Alle!!!

Little Ticking Time Bombs

2011-09-30T14:39:00.000-04:00

Let me start by saying - if reading about vomit makes you feel like you are getting sick - don't read this.

I HATE THE STOMACH BUG!!! (love the caps,right?). 15 days ago, Alle (our little one from ethiopia) started throwing up. Did I mention that I hate the stomach bug? and I desperately hate it in babies. Of course, all they want you do is hold them, and then they really really really want you to hold them right as they are vomiting, all over you. fun times. this lasted for 7 days. oh my word. laundry, and washing, and changing, and vomit. Not only do I hate the stomach bug, but I hate wondering when they are going to throw up next, where they are going to throw up next, and who is going to throw up next. they are like little ticking time bombs. so, after 7 days of throwing up, and being lethargic, and no one else getting sick, I took her to the doctor. "she's fine". lovely - thanks for that. (BTW - I am a nurse - which makes me the most least empathic mom ever!). Anyways, she went two days without throwing up (friday and saturday) and then threw up on sunday. Are you kidding me?! then - nothing m, t, and w. Praise the Lord!!! Now - I had only cloroxed, lysoled, scrubbed the house three times a day for over a week, and now I am sure that the rest of my family has no natural defenses left because I killed them with chemicals:). Oh, life was good for three days. then Hannah started throwing up on thursday in the wee hours of the morning, and then alle joined her at 11. really? What is more fun than one child throwing up? two!!! AHHHHHH!!!! cloroxed and lysoled again. and again. and then again. So, if you ever come to my house - please excuse the chemical smell:) the boys are still okay (as far as I know), and eric and I are fine. What in the world. seriously. I HATE THE STOMACH BUG!~ oh, and did I mention that my children never get the 24 hour bug? nope, we are special. we always get the days into weeks bug. love it!!!!

Did I also mention that I am going batty (honestly) because I have been living, breathing,cleaning, and dreaming about vomit for fifteen days? fifteen days. On the bright side, my house has never been so clean. on the not so bright side - my kids may never again eat white-colored food, because that is all I have let them eat for fifteen days. and I am completely sure that they are tired of hearing me say "you cannot eat that because if you do, and you throw up, I am not cleaning up red vomit". Oh yes, I know that you wish that you lived at our house. At least for the last fifteen days.

Happy Birthday Jadon!!!!

2011-09-23T07:04:00.000-04:00

happy birthday to our Jadon!!! He turned 7 today, and we are so incredibly blessed to have him in our family. He is the sweetest, kindest, most mommy-loving boy ever!! Hope that you have a great day Jadon!!!! We love you!!!

our first portrait session!!!

2011-09-01T16:41:00.000-04:00

While we are down in Virginia - I like to try to get the kids' pictures taken (mostly because I can take my mom with me for help!:). I cannot believe that I am writing this - but all 4 monkeys were absolutely perfect!!! Perfect smiles, perfect behavior - I nearly fell over!! Here are the results - ENJOY!!!

absolute cuteness

2011-08-19T20:47:00.001-04:00

So, August is just flying by - and between swimming lessons, playdates, days at the lake, and school shopping - we are keeping incredibly busy! But, in all the craziness that is our life, I do remember to get the camera out every so often to catch some of the joy that is in our home. It is amazing how much the monkeys love Alle - what a blessing she is! Enjoy....

10 months old and 2 months in our arms!!!

2011-08-13T20:27:00.000-04:00

Alemnesh Grace Harley turned 10 months old today, and she has been in our arms for exactly two months! We cannot believe how quickly the summer has flown by - it seems like just yesterday we were on a plane bringing her home, and at the same moment it seems like she has been with us forever. Let's see - what has our little one been up to? She can stand (without holding on to anything) for about 10 seconds. She loves to walk holding onto everything - a finger, the couch, her push toy from grandma and grandpa (thank you!). When she is not practicing her walking, she is crawling everywhere! She is sleeping 12 hours at night, and still taking 2 2-hour naps a day. She drinks 4 bottles a day (had to cut back on the amount- she over 20 pounds!!!), and eats baby food and whatever we are eating. She loves music, and laughs hysterically when anyone else is laughing. She still loves mommy, but the last few days daddy is definitely gaining ground:). Oh, and you should see her smile when she sees "her kids". her face just lights up! She still has not said mama yet:(, but does dada, baba a lot. She can wave goodbye, and if the mood strikes - she will blow kisses. She loves her blankie (thank you Aunt Lizzie!), and her stuffed bear. Noah, Jadon, and Hannah love her to pieces - they are constantly coming up with new ways to make her laugh, and I have had to start a chart to remember whose day it is to sit by her in the car:)

Precious Alle - you bring us such joy! we are so blessed to have you in our lives. Yes, we still have "our days", but they are getting farther apart:). We thank God for you every day, and we cannot wait to watch you grow up - your personality is going to keep us on our toes!!!

fun with friends

2011-07-18T07:59:00.000-04:00

Last night we went over to Gini and Jason's house, along with Keith and Emily, for a summer barbeque! love it when we can get our 3 families together - Gini and Emily and I see each other all week:), but the guys rarely get together because of schedules, work, etc. We always have a marvelous time - last night Gini had gotten water balloons and we all had a water fight:). Love you guys!!!! Oh, and did I mention that Alle loves her buddies? Gini's little girl Beza just turned one, Emily's little boy Tage turns one tomorrow!, and Alle is 9 months old! Wish that I had pics of the three of them - they are a hoot!

the first two weeks of July in pictures

2011-07-10T21:37:00.001-04:00

Okay - here is a quick Alle update for all you dying for one:) Alle is doing so incredibly well! She is the perfect baby, very attached to mommy, loves giggling at her brothers and sister, sleeps 12 hours a night with 2 naps during the day (don't hate me:), loves food (not the bottle so much, but we are working on that). She is so very active, and now that she is more secure in our house and with us - she never stops moving! She can army crawl with the best - and just started pulling up on everything in sight. She actually lets me put her down for about 10 minutes at a time - usually only if I am right next to her, but this is a huge improvement from two weeks ago! We have been home 3 weeks and one day, but it seems like she has been a part of our family forever. I must say - my three older monkeys constantly amaze me with the love that they have for their new sister. Even with all the time that she spends with me, and how much I know that are craving mommy time, they just adore her! Thousands of kisses a day, always fighting over who gets to hold her, always bringing her a toy or making a silly face because they want to see her smile. and they think that everything she does is earth shattering - especially as she starts to become more comfortable with them. For instance - we were in the car last week going to the doctor's office (literally a 4 minute drive). Alle did not cry going into her car seat and she laughed and played with them the whole way there (again, a 4 minute drive, but we take what we can around here!). When we got there, you would have thought that they had just seen a star wars creature - they were jumping up and down, clapping and yelling "she did not cry" "I think that she likes us". Oh, my heart is full. Also, for those of you wondering, I am feeling much better this week then last - post adoption blues are no fun, but with some good friends as sounding boards, and a lot of love and support from family and friends, I am almost feeling like myself most days! okay, on to the rest of the post:)

Wow - I have to say it - blogging has definitely gotten harder with 4 kiddos in the house! it only ever gets done at night, and to be honest, most nights I choose sleep over blogging:). So here are a bunch of random pictures from the beginning of July: We started the month by driving down to Richmond to celebrate my nephew Oliver's 2nd birthday at my parents' house. We loved spending time with Matthew, Gina and Oliver, especially at King's Dominion! Then we drove back to NY, and this weekend celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary with a walk over the Hudson River. Today rounded out the weekend with pics before church, and a good water fight afterwards!!! Enjoy!

a few pics:)

2011-06-26T07:55:00.000-04:00

Yes, I need to blog about what has been happening here:), but right now all I have time for is some pictures of absolute cuteness!!! Enjoy (and I will try to write about our gotcha day and trip 2 - when all the craziness settles down!!!)

Home for a bit

2011-05-20T14:37:00.000-04:00

Oh, what a week it has been!!! at some point, I will write about each day, but for now I will just recap:). We flew out of Laguardia to Dulles, and then to Addis last Friday morning, arrived in Addis about 8am (addis time, 1am ny time). We met our Alle that afternoon, around 2pm, and fell even more in love. She is so perfect, so precious. We spent the week with her, loving on her, and then on Tuesday, in front of a judge, we heard these precious words - "She is yours"! I am now the proud momma of 4!!!!!! Saying goodbye on wednesday was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We are now praying for an incredibly quick embassy date - so that we can bring her home!!! She has 4 incredible special mothers (2 day, 2 night) that love on her constantly - we know that she is safe and loved. We still cannot post any pictures of her face or her name, but here are a few teasers for you!!!! Mommy and Daddy love you sweet girl - we cannot wait to bring you home

at our hotel waiting for the shuttle to take us to Laguardia

on our plane to Addis!!

in the bus going to Hannah's Hope to meet our daughter

our plane

street view of Addis

in the lobby of the Riviera

me and Chantel:) Loved meeting 10!! other families from our agency

holding my sleeping daughter

our room at the hotel

She loved the teething necklace and bracelets that I bought

her crib at Hannah's Hope

Daddy holding his sleeping princess

SINGLE DIGITS!!!

2011-05-04T08:17:00.000-04:00

oh yes- we are finally in the single digits!!! only 9 more days until we are on a plane:) The packing has begun - the donation bins are full! I am making lists for my parents, and writing letters to the monkeys for every day that we are gone (21 letters, whew!). Please pray that the MOWA letter is there when we appear in court on Tuesday, the 17th, and that the judge will say the words "she is yours!".

in the teens!!!!!

2011-04-24T10:27:00.001-04:00

oh yes, I can hardly contain my excitement!! Not only is it Easter, and we are celebrating that our Savior lives!!!!, but we only have 19 more days until we are on a plane to meet our Alle!!!!! AHHHH!!! The kiddos and I went down to Virginia for spring break, and the week just flew by. Noah turned 8, and we spent all of our awake time at King's Dominion, a huge amusement park just 10 minutes from my parents' house. the kids had a blast, and the week just flew by!
Now it is time for the list making and packing to begin! knowing me, I will pack ASAP, and then unpack and repack over and over again:)
Below are a few pictures from two weeks ago when Eric's parents came to visit and celebrate Noah's birthday.
I cannot wait to write again in 10 days, when we will be in the single digits!!!!

in the 20's!!!

2011-04-14T17:40:00.000-04:00

oh yes, today our countdown to Ethiopia made it into the 20's!!!! Yes, 29, but we are still celebrating!!!! I cannot believe that in 4 weeks I will be running around the house, showing my parents where to find things, repacking our bags and donation bins, and saying goodbye to our monkeys (not going to be fun - although I love getting away with Eric, and I know that they are going to have a fabulous time with grandma and grandpa, I still get the ache in my heart every time I think about it). I cannot wait until I can post pictures of our "A" on here - she looks so much like our monkeys it is startling!!! she definitely belongs in our family - and we cannot wait to get her home!!
Here are a few pictures of what we have been up to. Hannah had a spring party at school on wednesday ,and of course my very girly girl needed to wear her Easter dress (thank you Keith and Emily!!). And the pictures of Noah are from his spring party on April 1st. I have had so much fun being the boys room mom for the past 3 years - it gives me a little glimpse into their lives away from me! The pictures of Jadon are from the art show at his school - he won 1st place (for the second year in a row - not proud at all:) for the picture of the tiger!!!!

a little fun!

2011-04-01T08:07:00.000-04:00

I know, it has been awhile again:). I wish that I could say that we have been incredibly busy and that time is flying by, but I cannot. 6 more weeks, or 42 days (which ever sounds shorter:) and we will be in the air flying to Ethiopia!!! it seems like forever, but I know that the time will go by quickly (at least we hope so!). But, in the mean time, I have been cooking to fill the time (and add on the pounds, which means that I have taken up running again)! Here are some pictures from a yummy cake that I made earlier this week - a spaghetti cake.
The "meatballs" are balls of chocolate cake, the "sauce" is strawberry puree, and the "noodles" are yellow colored icing.

The kids loved it - it was almost as much fun to look at as it was to eat! then last night I made panang curry - oh so yummy!! and on the menu today - easter bunny cookies!!!

Welcome Home Beza Elizabeth Miller!!!

2011-03-20T14:12:00.000-04:00

Last night we welcomed home Gini, Jason, and Beza Miller! The kids and I made a banner and decorated their house with balloons (thanks Pam for letting us invade for a little bit!). Then we went over right before they got home and waited. The kids were all running around like the monkeys that they are, and when they finally drove into the driveway - the kiddos were so excited!! Beza is just precious, and seeing their family together was incredible!! We cannot wait to bring our little "A" home, and reunite the two Hannah's Hope buddies!!! Welcome Home Beza - we love you!!!

We are going to ETHIOPIA!!!!

2011-03-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

We received the call today from our "B" (our case worker at AGCI) that we received court dates today!!! A miracle!!!! If you read my last post, you know that tomorrow is the day that the Ministry of Women's Affairs in Ethiopia is supposedly drastically cutting back on the number of adoptions that they will be processing every day - from 50 to 5. That is a 90% cutback. So we started to pray, and pray, and believe that He is bigger than my fears, bigger than our agency, bigger than the country of Ethiopia. AND HE IS!!!!! We have been given a court date of May 17, and we will hopefully be leaving here on Thursday, May 12, and we will hold our daughter for the first time on Sunday, May 15!!!! We are continuing to ask for your prayers - for the families who continue to wait for court dates, for the government to not implement the 90% cutbacks, and for the children in Ethiopia who are waiting for their forever families. When we go to court, we also need prayer that the letter that MOWA has to send for us to pass court is there - this is definitely up in the air with all the changes that are happening.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings - I am still in shock and awe that we received our court dates!!!! Thank you for praying for us~!!!

A Breaking Heart

2011-03-08T18:57:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer - this will be not a fuzzy warm post. It is what we are feeling, and it is not pretty, but we want to be real.
This is not a post that I ever thought that I would be writing. I never wanted to be writing it. Yet, here I am. I actually feel like crawling into bed, pulling the covers over my head, and never coming out. Real grown up, right? Here's the scoop: there have been rumors in the adoption world of huge changes in Ethiopian adoptions, and we have been praying for weeks that were just that - rumors. While nothing is official yet, we received a call from our agency today to let us know about the uncertainty that is surrounding Ethiopian adoptions as a whole, and more specifically, our adoption of "A". If the rumors become true (supposedly this Thursday), only 5 cases of adoption will be processed a day - instead of almost 50. I do not even want to do the math. It means potentially months, possibly years of waiting, while our daughter grows up in an orphanage. We are praying. We are praying for a miracle. We are praying for the children of Ethiopia that this affects - the children who have no voice, whose only longing is for a family to call their own. Don't get me wrong, the thought of unethical adoptions makes me physically ill, but the thought of millions of children sitting in orphanages because of political agendas, etc. makes me sick as well. My mind is a mess of jumbled thoughts and pleading cries - please let us just bring our daughter home. When my monkeys came home from school today - I grabbed them and gave them extra hugs, all the while wondering just how long it will be until I can do that with my daughter. The first thing they always ask when they come home is if we got a court date, and of course today that question brought another flood of tears. I tried to explain simply why I was sad - and my Noah said "Is this how you would feel if I was in Ethiopia and you couldn't come get me?". Oh sweet boy, that is exactly how I feel. Like my heart is broken. But we have hope. We are praying for a miracle. Please pray with us - for our daughter, for the families who are waiting on court dates, for the children who are facing an uncertain future, for the officials to change their minds, for peace for those of us who wait.

Today, this song has played nonstop in our house - Running in Circles by United Pursuit
It is my prayer tonight - that I will place my focus on His face, and not the waves.

what have we been up to? and the C4C conference! (a little late:)

2011-02-23T21:52:00.000-05:00

Thought that I would start this post off with a picture of some of the cutest, yummiest feet we have ever seen!!! Cannot wait to see them in person!
So, my last post was about our referral call - what an incredible day that was!!! Still floating after that - and with all the pictures that we are being blessed with from families traveling to Hannah's Hope (our agencys home in Addis Ababa). Our little one is flourishing under the care of her "special mothers" and is getting bigger and looking healthier! We continue to wait on the phone to ring - yes, again - for the news that we have a court date. Then we can make travel plans, buy plane tickets, etc. In the mean time - this momma may have been doing a little shopping - bottles (new for us:), a few cute outfits, etc. And I have been relishing the time that I spend with my monkeys. For instance - this morning before the bus, and drop off, and all the craziness that is our life, the boys and I had breakfast together. and they learned how to really eat lucky charms:) of course, you have to pick out all the marshmallows, eat the cereal with tons of milk, and then put the marshmallows in the milk and eat them - I cannot imagine what their teachers had to deal with today because this momma was on a HUGE sugar high! Between the lucky charms and the ethiopian coffee that Gini brought us from their first trip - I was definitely awake this morning:)

Okay, that is what is happening here. Hopefully I will post soon with our court date! WE are praying for a miraculous date - one very soon!!!! He can move the mountains - He is mighty!!!
Also - I leave you with a few pictures from the incredible conference that I was able to go to the first weekend of February. To be with 250 other mommas who "got me" was beyond amazing!!!! Gini and I flew into Atlanta on Friday, spent a little time with my Kim (never enough time unless we lived next door to each other:), and then stayed at the legacy inn and resort for two nights. I was able to meet soooo many moms from our agency, some that I have been following since 12/09!!! What a blessing to be able to share stories, be encouraged, and be with so many other women who "get me"!!!! Cannot wait for next year!! (hint, hint, Andrea:)

Our Call

2011-02-14T14:09:00.000-05:00

Thursday, February 10, 2011. The day that we received our referral call.

I wish that I could tell you all that the whole day was wonderful - but it was not. At all. In fact, it was the worst day that I had since we started our adoption journey. I started crying around 5 am, and did not stop for 7 hours. Yep, you read that right, 7 hours. The tears just kept coming. And coming. I think that Eric thought that I had truly lost it. I talked to my mom, and a dear friend, and then I spent the morning with Emily - who put up with my crying for hours:). And all the while I desperately tried to not think about what time it was in Oregon (where our agency is). I left Emily's about 12, drove home - still sniffling, made Hannah lunch, and then our home study agency called. Good news - our final, notarized home study was in the mail!!! Bad news - I needed to get the address of US CIS from our agency so I could send it. I did not want to call - I could barely see straight at this point from all the crying - you see, I am not a delicate crier. I sob, and my nose looks like a tomato, and my face stays puffy for days. Good look, right? (this is why you will not see a pic of me in this post:)! Okay, back to the story. So I wrote our case worker "B" and simply asked if she could send the address to me, and then I said "please do not call". I could not handle another "in His time", have joy in the waiting talk - not that day. So I sent the email, and sat down on the couch with Hannah for some cuddle time. And the phone rang. I almost did not even get up to see who it was - I just wanted to crawl into a hole. But I got up, and the caller id said "AGC". Now, you might think that I got excited at this point, but I was so tired (from crying), and my spirit was so broken, all I could think was that "B" had received my email and was calling to see if I was alright. So, our conversation went something like this:
Me - hello,
"B" - hi Becca,
Me - did you read my email?,
"B" - yes, I did,
Me - could you just give me the address? I am really not up for talking today,
"B" - are you sure, because I HAVE A LITTLE GIRL TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT!!!! Me - silence.....sitting on the floor in the kitchen.......silence...."are you kidding"?!, "B" - no!!!!!
And then, the tears started flowing, again. (At this point I did not think that I had any more tears!!!). I asked her if I could call Eric, she said yes, and before we hung up I asked her how old our little one was. "She is almost 4 months old", was the answer - so small!!!
I called Eric, and when he answered I said "can you come home now?". To which he replied "yes". I think that he thought that I had lost it, and he needed to come home to make sure that I was okay. and then I said - "We got our call!!" and he said - "WHAT!!!!" Definitely not what he had been thinking I was calling about:)
So he came home, and we called "B" back and we talked for an hour about our little "A". She is precious, and exactly what God had laid on our hearts to pray for over a year ago. "B" told us that she would over night our paperwork, and we hung up - staring at her picture, speechless. It had finally happened. We called our family and friends, and then Eric left to pick up the boys from school (Thursdays are piano lessons). When they got home we got Hannah up from her nap and introduced our kiddos to their new sister!!!! They were so excited - they just kept saying - "we are not a number!!!" and trying to pronounce her name!
So, that is how it happened. We celebrated as a family that night, and the monkeys all slept with her picture on their pillow:).

Okay - you all have to read this part. While all this is happening here, Gini was in Ethiopia with her hubby for their first trip to meet their daughter at the same home that our little one is at. So, Gini and I were talking on Skype while I was waiting for Eric to come home to call our case worker back. I had told her that we got our call but I did not know anything yet because I was waiting for Eric. She told me about her day, and then told me that while she was at Hannah's Hope (the transition home run by our agency), she held a precious tiny girl, whispering to her that her momma loved her and hugging on her. I asked if she had a family, and Gini said that she did not know. I know you all guessed it - it was our little "A"!!!!!! How amazing is our God?!!!! Gini had one more day in Ethiopia, so they took some pictures and video for us!! Love it!

Okay - I will end soon (because this is the longest post ever!), but many of you have been asking "what happens next?". So - I will attempt to explain. First - we cannot post her name or picture on our blog, facebook, etc. If I see you - I would love to share her with you!!!! but we will not be posting any pics until she is home. So, we are calling her "A". Next - we submitted all our paperwork on Friday, and I am waiting for our caseworker to call me and tell me that she has it and that they are submitting it to the courts in Ethiopia. And we wait, again. For a court date. We could hear in 2 weeks, or 6 weeks. We could be traveling in 2 months, or 4 months. We have no idea. After we travel to meet her and go to court, if we pass court (all the paperwork has to be there, etc), then we wait for the US embassy to give us an embassy date (usually 4-8 weeks after passing court). So, we are waiting - with her beautiful face etched in our minds and her sweet coos echoing in our ears. And we pray - for an incredibly fast court date, for her health and that she gains weight - she is only 9 pounds. And we REJOICE!!!

The post I have been waiting to write!~!!

2011-02-10T21:31:00.000-05:00

It finally happened!!! we received the call about our daughter today, around 1pm our time. I will blog more about the call later - but I just had to say - She is precious, beautiful, incredible and OURS! After a long wait - I will sleep tonight without wondering if she is cold, or hungry, or being held. She is ours, and she is perfect. God has given us such a precious gift. Tonight, we are soaring as eagles!!!!!
Isaiah 40:31 - They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Another song:)

2011-02-09T06:43:00.000-05:00

I was so blessed yesterday afternoon to have a dear friend call me right during the hardest part of my day 4pm. Kids are home from school, phone is not ringing, supper has to be made, and I want to crawl into a very small hole and cry. After the call - I had such peace, I did not look at the clock again!! this is truly amazing, because there were three hours left that our agency was open. Instead - I pulled up you tube, blasted some music, and danced with my monkeys!!! Here is another new favorite song that we learned at the C4C conference - Come Away With Me by Jesus Culture

Come away with me, come away.
It's never too late, it's never too late,
it's not too late for you.
I have a plan for you, I have a plan.
It's going to be wild,
it's going to be great,
it's going to be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in

Praying that your day is filled with peace

peace

2011-02-08T10:53:00.001-05:00

I spent the most amazing weekend at the created for care conference in Atlanta with over 250 adoptive mommas. Andrea - thank you for all that you did for us - my soul was fed and filled with peace. During one of the breakout sessions on saturday, the song "running in circles" was played. I felt like it was being sung directly to me. (of course - it made me cry for the 100th time that day - and it was only 11 in the morning!). Anyways - wanted to share the lyrics with you all - through your wait - whatever you are waiting for -He is the only One who brings us peace.

I'm so forgetful, but you always remind me
you're the only one who brings me peace
you're the only one who brings me peace

I'm so forgetful, for you always remind me
you're the only one who brings me peace
you're the only one who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come
I come, Lord I come
To tell you I love you
To tell you I need you
To tell you there’s no better place for me than in your arms
To tell you I’m sorry
For running in circles
For placing my focus on the waves,not on your face

I'm so forgetful, but you always remind me
you're the only one who brings me peace
you're the only one who brings me peace

I'm so forgetful, for you always remind me
you're the only one who brings me peace
you're the only one who brings me peace

Praying that your day is filled with His peace.

Another day - another question:)

2011-02-02T07:08:00.001-05:00

First - we have power! at least right now - that could change momentarily:). Between all the ice and sleet we were prepared to have it go out last night, and we were pleasantly surprised to wake up this morning in a warm house. Ahh, the little things in life:).
Okay - today's question is easy: high and low. The kids and I love to play this game with Eric at the supper table, so I thought that we could do it today.
So, what was your high yesterday? what was the best part of your day? what made you laugh out loud?! And then - what was your low? It is probably easier for many of us to have the lows pop into our head faster than the highs - I know that it is a daily struggle for me.
So, yesterday my high - baking monster cookies with my precious daughter, while watching my two monkeys play monopoly with out fighting (yes, it occasionally happens:).
My low - not having the phone ring, again:(
My verse for today - Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to you, oh Lord, my STRENGTH and my Redeemer.
Okay - we had 20 comments yesterday - you all made my day! Let's see if we can beat that today!

Let's do it again:)

2011-02-01T07:24:00.000-05:00

Happy Tuesday! Was hoping that I would be posting something different today:), but here I am again with another question. (the eternal optimism of the adoptive mother always amazes me!). And, let me say now, thank you to those you commented yesterday - I love learning more about you all! and for those who did not (and I know that you did not because 91 people viewed that page yesterday:) - play with us please!!!!
Okay - today's question is easier - what is your favorite homemade breakfast food?!!
I love love love me some breakfast! I can eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner:) and we often do!
So, my favorite homemade breakfast is my hubby's huge waffles, with real butter and powdered sugar. oh, they make me happy just thinking about them. They are the size of my head, and I can easily eat 4 or 5 of them (yep, you read that right!).
Cannot wait to read what your favorites are!
(and if you think about it - please pray for us today. We are snowed in here in NY for two days with ice/snow, stomach bug is making its way through the house, we all have the cough/stuffy nose thing going on, the kids are going stir crazy - and this momma is way overdue for the phone to ring! 12 months is just too long.....I feel like I am 3 months overdue, waddling around, with every single person I see asking me "you haven't gotten the call yet? Why not? when is it coming?" - just like when I was pregnant and as large as a house (yes, my friends, it is true - I was a whale!) and people would say - "you haven't had that baby yet? oh, nope, still kicking around in there (as if the huge belly wasn't enough of a clue:).
I treasure and covet your prayers and sweet notes throughout the day. So, here's to hoping that tomorrow I will not be bugging you with another question!!!!!

Keeping it FUN!!!

2011-01-31T07:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, mondays are always good. The beginning of a new week, fresh with possibilities:). And I know that I am being stalked (love it! - and hope that we can start stalking S soon - they are next on the girl's list:). So, here's what I propose: every time you check my blog to see if we got a referral, could you take two seconds and leave a comment? Just for fun. Because it might keep my mind off the phone ringing:) and because I love hearing from you all!
So, today - here is the question - What is the most adventurous thing that you have ever done?!!
I'll start - I would have to say that flying over to Yemen during college by myself and living in country for two months is the most adventurous thing I have ever done. and would love to do again!
Okay, now it is your turn!!! cannot wait to learn more about you all!
(and do not forget - I can see how many times you all look at my blog, so let's have some FUN!!!!)

On to February!

2011-01-28T20:33:00.000-05:00

To all my friendly stalkers:), nothing happened here today. Still sitting at number 1. Thankful for the weekend. Since we began this journey, I have been blessed with the ability to "turn off" on the weekends. It is not just that I know our agency is closed and there will be no referrals, but I am able to be completely at peace about our journey, and not question the timing, wait, call, etc. I love the weekends. I am working this weekend as well - which will make the time fly!
So, instead of doing referral paperwork tonight:(, I finally uploaded some pictures to our computer from november/december when we visited my parents in Richmond. Have a great weekend. Tonight we have peace - peace in His timing.

Precious little one - we have waited for you for 11 full months now. Thank you for what you have already taught us. Your big sister "called" you on her phone tonight to sing you a lullaby - you are constantly in our hearts and minds. Keep waiting - we are so close!

Number ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-01-25T17:39:00.000-05:00

We are number one!!!!!! We are cautiously excited - you see we waited at number 2 for 47 long agonizing days. Fun times. So, we are well aware that it could be a very long time before our phone rings:). I am incredibly peaceful about this right now - but that could change in an hour of course. Hopefully my next post will be to announce that we got the call about our daughter!!!!
Hang in there, little one - we are just one step away!!!!!

We are thankful

2011-01-21T09:22:00.000-05:00

Written by Noah, Jadon, Hannah, and Becca
Today we are thankful. For so many things.
We are thankful for Jesus
We are thankful for snow days.
We are thankful for the world.
We are thankful for our family.
We are thankful for a warm house.
We are thankful that our power has not gone out during our 20 + inches of snow in the last 10 days.
We are thankful for toys.
We are thankful for our sister in Ethiopia.
We are thankful for friends.
We are thankful for thick and creamy mac and cheese. (Jadon's:)
We are thankful for noodles (Hannah's:)
We are thankful for pop tarts (Noah's:)
We are thankful for food.
We are thankful for computers.
We are thankful for school (when we actually have it:)
We are thankful for cameras and binoculars.
We are thankful for transportation.
We are thankful for grandparents.
We are thankful for trees.
We are thankful for the beauty outside - white snow, blue sky
We are thankful that the boys are old enough to help with shoveling!
We are thankful for a new king-sized bed that all 5, and soon 6 of us, can fit in.
We are thankful for friends and family that listen to our hearts, our joys, and our sorrows.
Today - we are thankful.
What are you thankful for?

It is a new day!!!!

2011-01-13T10:37:00.001-05:00

Hello to all my fabulous blog readers:). Yes, it is a new day - and the mornings are sooooo good! I am filled with hope, and optimism, and with the knowledge that today I could see my daughter's face for the first time!!!! Oh, how I love the mornings. I have been getting up between 5-6 am every morning (cannot sleep), having a cup of tea, doing my devotions, and sitting in a quiet house with the fire warming up my toes. What a great way to start the day! Today was no different, except I had the cleaning bug (yes, for those of you who have known my for a while, you know that I used to be a cleaning freak). Not so much any more, but any so often (every other month or so:), it hits me and I am a crazy woman! So, before 10 am this morning I have gotten all three monkeys up, dressed, fed, put J on the bus, drove N to school, went to the doctor for our TB test reading (for those of you worried :) it was negative:), picked up the last of our paperwork for our homestudy update, and cleaned the entire house!! Bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, windows, kitchen, and washed the entire floor (the only rooms in our house that have carpet are the two kids rooms and the play room. Love it! But.....now I am done, and I have the rest of the day to figure out what to do! Toben and Hannah are playing house (watching him while Gini and Megan are at the dentist), the puppy is sleeping (big surprise), coffee has been drunk, dinner is simmering on the stove (homemade sauce for the spaghetti). So - angry birds here I come!!!! (yes, I am slightly addicted:).
Oh, and did I mention all our snow?! We already had 3-5 inches from this weekend, and then yesterday we got about 15 more inches! It is beautiful! I love love love the snow! it is so bright, and the sky is so blue, and everything is so very clean. This is one of the few perks of living in New York!

Thank you all for keeping us in your prayers - it has been 36 days since the last referral and I might be going slightly crazy. maybe. a. little. We are praying for our daughter - that she is safe, and warm, and being fed, and being loved. Precious little one - we are so in love with you already. Your three monkeys here cannot wait to have you home - they start their day praying for you and we end our day praying for you. Hang in there - we will be coming soon!

one day at a time

2010-12-30T10:58:00.001-05:00

again - it has been forever since I have posted - about a month ago I was pretty sure that the next post would be about our referral. no such luck. we are still waiting at number 2. and it stinks. no matter how hard I try each day to forget about the phone ringing, or not wonder if today will be the day - I still do. a million times a day. our 10 month waiting list "anniversary" has passed, and still nothing. when we signed with AGCI, we were given a time frame of 8-10 months for a referral. So in my mind, I knew that we would get one before christmas. I think that is why it is so incredibly hard. I never stopped to think that it might go over ten months. that was my fault - I should know by now that nothing in this adoption journey goes as planned. There are very concrete reasons why we have not received a referral yet (embassy dates for traveling families have been postponed - thus there is literally no room at the inn:). I can remind myself of this fact one hundred times an hour - but it still does not help. This momma's heart is breaking over her little one. Trusting in Him - that is the only thing that is keeping me from going completely insane. It is so hard to watch other families get referrals, and travel, etc......and to still be waiting. THis does not mean that I am not overflowing with excitement for all the families that are bringing their little ones into their homes, but my very human mind often wants to wander into the world of "it's not fair, why not us, etc". This journey has stretched me more than anything else in my life. It is not about me. At all. and oh how I hate the little devil that sits on my shoulder day in and day out, whispering selfish little thoughts. one day at a time. even though the hours seem to drag, and the phone never rings. one day at a time.

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

His perfect peace

2010-12-16T12:59:00.000-05:00

oh my sweet friends - thank you all so much for the prayers that were lifted up for us this week. Tuesday and wednesday were such bad days, full of anxiety and impatience. But He makes each day new - and even up with Jadon at 4:30 - I could tell that today was going to be a blessed day. I love waking up early and going downstairs to a quiet house. I started a fire, brewed a cup of tea, and read a book. For 90 minutes. Just me. No noise, no distractions, no whining, no fighting - you get the picture. I prayed - for His peace to come over me today, that I would not be anxious but that I would enjoy just today. And not worry about tomorrow. or the next day. or Christmas without a referral. And today is such a good day. I feel at peace. Finally. This is not to say that tomorrow will not be a bad day - because odds are it will be. But today is full of blessings. Hanging out with close friends (Emily and Gini - I am amazed that you put up with me:), eating cookies (my favorite food), cuddling with my kiddos before school, a rheumatologist appointment for me that did not require any more blood to be taken ( yeah me!), a daughter sleeping in her bed. Thank you for this peaceful day

keeping it real

2010-12-15T13:49:00.002-05:00

okay, so this is not just a blog about our adoption, or about our family - it is also about our lives together, the good and the bad. I want our daughter to be able to read these entries in the years to come and tangibly know how much we loved her before we knew her, how we longed for her before we saw her face. This blog is also a way for me to write down my feelings, kind of my own personal journal that I am letting you all read:). So, here it goes (this is not going to be a normal light-hearted post - just warning you)
I have had a couple of really tough days. Incredibly tough. for a multitude of reasons (most of which I am not going to list here:). My heart aches. Physically aches. It is often hard to breathe. And it is so hard to explain. so this next part is going to be jumbled. We were put on the waitlist the end of February - and were told 8-10 months. So my mind did the math, and Christmas is the end of ten months. So I began to tell myself - if nothing else we would see her picture by Christmas. This thought has kept me going for 10 months. 10 MONTHS!! if I was pregnant I would be so overdue! now, the time frame that is given in inconsequential - they could have said 20 months, and when the 20 months were almost over - I would be going crazy too. It is just the way my mind works. My hormonal, like to be in control mind. So, everyday starts like this.....it is a new day, full of referral possibilities. As the hours tick by, I am acutely aware of exactly what time it is, and what time it is in OR, where are agency is, and how many hours they will still be there. Just in case. And then 6pm hits, and that is pretty much the end - no more calls. and all day long I tell myself that it is okay, I do crazy things Martha Stewart like to keep my mind and hands occupied - but it does matter. to me. and then the night is hard. but tomorrow is a new day....ready for me to wait again:). And I know all the right things to say to myself - God has picked our daughter for us and His timing is perfect....I could go on and on. And I pray - I have prayed for peace and patience more in the last month than ever before. And I listen to worship music - but Hillsong just makes me cry even harder:). And if you have never gone through it - I am crazy to you. To ache for a little girl half way around the world that I have never seen and have no biological ties to....crazy. But that is me. Eric has been so very patient and understanding with me, but he also has had no idea. When we were pregnant with our first child, I know that he did not feel connected to Noah until he held him for the first time. So I expected with Jadon and Hannah it would be the same way - and it was. And so it is with this. I think that he is done waiting because he is done with putting up with me!:) Anyways, last night I was up (cannot sleep any more) and praying (I pray a lot in the middle of the night - if you ever need prayer - I'm your girl!) and I was trying to come up with something that would explain to Eric how I was feeling. and then this morning it hit me. and hit him, once I told him. So, for all you adopting mommas our there - I know that you know the ache that I am talking about. But for the rest of you - here goes.......Pretend that one of your kiddos disappears (why is not important). you do a ton of paperwork, and finally are told that in 8-10 months, you will see a picture of their face and find out how they are. during this time, you have no idea what is happening to them. are they hungry? cold? lonely? do they have someone to hold them when they cry? Are they told that they are precious and loved? You are a mess. There is nothing you can do. 8 months go by, and nothing. 9 months, nothing. you are nearing the end of 10 months, and still nothing. each day brings hope for the call, and then despair without it. each night brings tears, longing to see their face again and know that they are okay, that they are safe and loved. I know that it is a stretch, because she is not ours yet, but this momma's heart longs and aches for her daughter like I did not know it could.
Precious little one - you momma loves you more than you will ever know. You were born in my heart one year ago. You are so incredibly wanted, prayed for and loved. I cannot imagine my life without you already. Hold on - we are so close.....

trying to patiently wait - but not doing a very good job:)

2010-11-30T20:18:00.001-05:00

well, dear readers, as many of you know we are unofficially number 3. Which is really really good. really really close. And my mind is playing games on me. we moved 6 numbers in one week, so three is a couple weeks really should not be too much, right? I cannot even imagine how Gini feels (she is my best friend sitting in the number one spot - every time I call her I have to apologize that it is just me and not our agency:). Anyways, I know that once we get a referral it is going to be so incredibly hard to not have her in my arms, but right now my heart just aches - we are so close and this momma knows that something is probably happening or will happen soon in her life - and while I want her so much it physically hurts, I cannot imagine what her family is going through. To wake up every day and wonder if today is the day often seems so very selfish to me - because my great gain of a daughter is another momma's loss. and then mix in with that the anticipation of actually getting the call, and the excitement of being so close - I am going crazy!!! So, if you see me in the next weeks, and wonder why I look like that crazy person I feel like:) this is why. I am an overdue, tired of waiting, anxious to be done waiting, grieving for my daughter and her family, hormonal MESS!!! thanks for putting up with me!

Hannah's lollipops!

2010-11-15T22:27:00.000-05:00

I know - do not fall over, I am posting again. No, a month has not gone by:) - I just knew that if I did not do this now - it would not get done! I cannot believe that my baby is turning three tomorrow! Happy Almost Birthday, Hannah! So, as many of you know, my Hannah is a picky eater. As the third child, I am surprisingly okay with this - she is healthy, growing, etc. But this makes it very difficult on her birthday, because she does not usually eat cake, cookies, etc. (I know - definitely not my child:)!. Anyways, I have been asking her what I can make for her birthday, and she keeps saying that all she wants is lollipops. I admit it, I did think about plopping a big bag of dum-dums in front of her tomorrow and not make a cake, but I just could not do it, even if she does not eat any of it. But, I decided to be Martha Stewart again today (Yes, dear friends, I went to hobby lobby again:), and I made cake lollipops. Here is what I did (don't I have the cutest assistant?!)

Ingredients : one box cake mix
                     one container frosting
                     melting wafers
                     lollipop sticks
                     styrofoam block
                     decorations (I used sprinkles and candles)
Directions: Make and bake the cake according to directions on the box. Cool.
                    Break cake into small pieces, put in mixer, crumble into tiny pieces.

Add frosting, continue to mix until dough becomes sticky

Scoop out dough and form into balls, place on silpat or wax paper and refrigerate for about 15 minutes.
Melt a small amount of the wafers (in microwave for 30 second increments). Dip the end of a lollipop stick in the melted chocolate and stick into the cake ball.

Refrigerate for several hours, allowing the chocolate and cake balls to harden (the cake will still be mushy).
Melt the wafers (again, in 30 second increments). Dip each ball into the chocolate, tap off the excess, and place in the styrofoam block. Store in refrigerator and enjoy!!!

november update

2010-11-12T19:52:00.002-05:00

again - it has been forever:). I just get so busy catching up on all the other blogs that I follow that I forget to post here! (thanks em for reminding me.). So, our official November number is 7, although we know that we are unofficially number 4!!! oh, it could be next week or next month. Right this moment I am listening to Hillsong Saviour King, and they are singing "I'll wait on you - your name is higher than all created things - I will seek your face, call upon your name - all I want is you". I constantly need that reminder every second as I yearn to see my little one's face. I wonder if she is born. Is she hungry? Is she loved? Is she cold? The closer we get to our referral, the harder it is becoming. There is no way that I can explain it, even to Eric. It is like there is a piece of my heart crying out for something that is just beyond its grasp. I wake up in the middle of the night (a lot) and pray for her - for her health, her safety, her family and the incredibly agonizing decision that they are making. As excited as I am about seeing her face, at the same time my heart is broken for her family, the ones who love her first. My heart is broken for the loss that my little one may be going through right now. On the side of the road, in an orphanage, with sounds and smells that are not familiar, without hearing her momma's heart beat, without the knowledge that all is well. I simply want to be with her, for her to feel her mother's love, to wipe away her tears. Oh my little one - we are so close and we love you so much. You are so incredibly wanted and loved already.

PS - on a lighter note:) - if you read this could you just leave a quick note? just wondering.....

answering some questions

2010-10-22T15:43:00.001-04:00

So, we have had many friends and family supporting us during our adoption journey. And, as we do:), they have tons of questions about the process. And I have not done a very good job of explaining things. So I am going to try. Let me start by saying that I love love love it when any of you ask what number we are, or ask us how our adoption is going. It makes it feel real, like it is really going to happen one of these days. Because after the paperwork and everything is done, the waiting is so so hard. So, here is what we are going to go through.
Right now we are unofficially number 9 on the waitlist. We have a "underground":) group that keeps a list of referrals, etc, and instead of waiting until the first of each month to hear our official number from our agency, we keep a list to kind of know where we are. As we get closer, we "know" the people in front of us and their parameters, and they have become a family to us. We cry with them when they are waiting and rejoice with them when they receive their bundle of joy. Adoption is like nothing else, and those who have chosen this path with us know a part of our hearts in a way no one else can.
Okay, I digress. So, we are really waiting for THE CALL. The day, the minute when our caseworker calls and says - "I have a little girl to talk to you about". That is the sentence that we have been waiting for for almost a year. And then we receive all the paperwork that our agency has on our daughter, and pictures. Did I really write that? Our daughter. And then we have more paperwork to do, and we have to contact an international pediatrician for a consult. And we write a transition plan for our agency. And then we turn in all our paperwork and officially accept our referral. And then we wait again. But we wait with a picture, and a name, and with our daughter in our hearts. Our agency sends our paperwork in to the Ethiopian courts and a file is opened. And then we are granted a court date. We will travel to Ethiopia on a weekend and meet our daughter, and then during the following week we will go to court and stand before a judge and answer questions about adopting our daughter. And then, Lord willing, the judge will say "She is yours":). And then we come home. Without her. And we wait again, this time for the US embassy in Ethiopia to give us a visa appointment date. And then we travel again. And this time, on a Sunday, our daughter will be placed in our arms and never taken out again. I write this with tears streaming down my face. Because one day, in the coming months, it is going to happen!!! And yes, there is a lot of waiting. And it is not fair, with the 163 million orphans in the world. But this is how long it takes. And in the end, she is going to be in my arms. And I may not ever put her down:).
Okay, one more thing while I am writing:). For those of you in the adoption community - you already know this. But for the rest of you who put up with my ramblings, this is new. We are not going to be able to share a picture of our daughter on line until she is home. It is for her protection, and for ours. Some agencies allow you to post pictures after you pass court, but ours has asked us to wait until we are home. So, if I see you in person - please ask to see her picture (if I have not already shoved it in your face:). And as soon as we can, we will share her with the world!!!! Again, thank you all for your prayers, support and love that you have given us through our journey....we cannot wait to the next step!

Fall Pics

2010-10-13T21:43:00.000-04:00

So, I decided to take a "few" pictures of my monkeys today. Eric came home from work early to help me out - I am a little camera challenged:). Love my monkeys, but Good grief!! Getting them to all look at the camera at the same time is impossible!!! We cannot wait to have a fourth little face in the pictures - we are waiting for you!!!

October number!

2010-10-05T16:53:00.000-04:00

I love the fall! I love love love cool weather, with crisp mornings, the smell of leaves, the colors (one perk of living in NY:), apple cider, caramel apples, pumpkins, soup on cold days, fires in our fireplace, the list could go on and on! And I love getting new numbers at the beginning of every month! Last month, we were #20. This month's number is 15!!! We are 5 steps closer to our little girl!!! Maybe only three more months until our call!! Oh, I try not to get too excited, but some days I cannot help it!!! We are coming little one!!! We cannot wait to hold you, love on you, and have you here at home! This momma is ready!

catching you all up!

2010-09-20T20:17:00.002-04:00

Okay, let's be honest - it really has been forever (or at least two months). I knew that when I started this blog that I would have this problem - thinking of things to blog about. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I can always think of something to say:). but writing has always been hard for me. Anyways - I have obviously had a bit of a writing "drought" lately, which I am trying to overcome.
The last two months have been full of joy, heartache, travel, waiting, pain, and love. I love the summer time - now that the boys are in school it is the only time that we can travel without feeling guilty about them missing school. So down to Virginia and over to Michigan we went. So much fun to spend time with the grandparents and just not have to think about grown-up stuff:). I love watching my children spend time with their cousins, or reading with Grandma. I love sleeping in late (yes, eight is quite late for me nowadays) and not having a schedule (definitely the Zoloft talking - I used to love my schedules!). I love to grill out every night. We joined our local beach this year - and every day that we were home we spend building sand castles and splashing in the water. Both of the boys learned how to swim this summer! and hannah is getting a little more used to having water splashed in her face. but one of the things that I hate about the beach - is the sand. Go figure, right? The day that we were done with the beach I spent hours vacuuming out my van - and yet every time I get in it, their is a little reminder of my summer:).
At the end of the summer (just 10 days before school started and two days before our last trip to virginia), we had to make a tough decision about where to send Noah to school. Now, I like being in my boat. My safe, planned out, organized, planned boat. I am a toe dipper - it takes me hours to get into a body of water if it is not 90 degrees. and walking on water? no thank you. But our God had other plans for this momma - He has such a sense of humor with me. So, after much crying, pleading, bargaining, etc. We pulled Noah out of the Christian school that he had been going to and he is now going to Vail Farm Elementary School. and I am praying constantly. So, for those of you how live close to me, if you are talking to me and I am not paying attention, it is because I am praying. all the time. Which - in hind sight, could be a very real reason for the change. Another incredible thing that has come out of this is that after four years of living in NY, my kids are actually playing with our neighbors kids!!! And I have new friends that are so close! So, while my prayers were not answered how I would have wanted them to be - He is faithful.
Okay, this is getting long, so I will try to condense and close:). Hannah is doing so well - her uveitis was completely healed and we were able to put off started her on chemo for a little while. She loves being the only one at home, but no worries - she is the first one out the door when the bus pulls up. My boys, my boys - as she goes flying down the driveway:) Oh, I love it!
On the adoption front, it has been a very slow long summer. Courts have been closed in Ethiopia due to the rainy season, and referrals have been few and far between. As far as we can tell from the unofficial list, we think that we are close to 17, which is soooo much better than 50! We have our good days and our bad days, days when we are thankful for the time, and other days when my heart aches and is impatient to hold our daughter. My life verse is Isaiah 40:31, and that is definitely applicable right now!
Okay, it is after 8, and this momma is usually in bed by now:) (I know - I am crazy!) Hopefully I will update before two more months go by......we'll see

some yummy recipes!

2010-07-29T21:43:00.002-04:00

So, for those of you who know me - you know that I love to cook. Well, I used to love to cook, before children:). I would do sushi, thai, indian, mexican - you name it, we ate it. I loved to spend my days off cooking in the kitchen, singing loudly (when eric was not home:). And then came the kiddos. And the easy to prepare crockpot, meal sharing, 5 ingredient dinners. Yep - it is usually boring around here at supper time:). Every once in awhile I venture out and make indian or mexican, but our latest favorite is Ethiopian (I wonder why:)!. We have been to Ethiopian restaurants, had our Ethiopian meals catered, and I have dabbled in trying to prepare it myself. Two weeks ago I ordered a bunch of spices, lentils, etc. from ethiopianspices.com and they came while I was in Virginia. After a day of bad news about Hannah, hitting my head inside the refrigerator at Sam's (oh what a site I must have made:), and having three kids going through grandparent withdrawal (fun times here:), I decided to do something crazy and make a whole Ethiopian meal. In the past I have only made injera and kik aletcha - both of which are relatively easy and the kik aletcha is very much like cooking indian dal, but with different spices. Anyways - I am rambling and I know that many of you just want the recipes! I was so impressed and I am afraid that if I ever try to make it again, it will never taste as good. Honest to goodness - it was the best Ethiopian that Eric and I have ever eaten!!! I made injera, doro wat (the "national" dish of ethiopia - it is like a chicken stew), and shiro (a fragrant "mush" made of ground lentils and spices.). I used about three recipes for each of the dishes (kind of combined them:) and I will try to remember exactly what I put in them all:)!! Here we go.....

Injera
3 cups self-rising flour
1/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup teff flour
1 tablespoon active dry yeast; (one package)
3 1/2 cups warm water

Directions:
In a large bowl, mix:Let set in large bowl, covered, 2-12 hours, until batter rises and becomes stretchy. When ready, stir batter if liquid has settled on bottom. Whip in blender, 2 cups of batter at a time, thinning it with 1/2 - 3/4 cup water. Batter will be quite thin. Cook in non-stick frypan WITHOUT OIL over medium or medium-high heat. Use 1/2 cup batter per injera for a 12-inch pan or 1/3 cup batter for a 10-inch pan. Pour batter in heated pan and quickly swirl pan to spread batter as thin as possible.Batter should be no thicker than 1/8-inch. Do not turn over. Injera does not easily stick or burn. It is cooked through when bubbles appear all over the top.Finished injera will be thicker than a crepe, but thinner than a pancake. Lay each injera on a clean towel for a minute or two, then stack in covered dish to keep warm.

Shiro
one large onion, finely chopped
3 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1-3 teaspoons berbere (I used three and it was way too spicy for me, but eric loved it!)
2-3 cups water
1/2 - 1 1/2 cups shiro
salt to taste
Directions:
In a large saucepan, saute onion and garlic in oil until soft, about 5 minutes. Turn heat off, place in blender and puree. Return to pan and add berbere and a little water (so it does not stick). Stir to combine, cook for 3-5 minutes. Add 2 cups water. Begin to add 1/2 cup shiro powder, a little at a time so that it does not clump. The consistency of our shiro was a little thinner than hummus and oh so yummy! I ended up adding another cup of water and another 1/2 cup of shiro (because it was too spicy and I needed to tone it down a little). Enjoy!

Doro Wat
2-3 pounds of chicken pieces (I used thighs and legs)
2 large onions finely chopped
1 cup of vegetable oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon fresh ginger, minced
1/4 cup berbere (more if you like it spicier!)
1 teaspoon koremina
1 teaspoon wot kimen
1 teaspoon salt (more to taste)
1/2 -1 cup of water
Directions
In a large pot, combine onion, garlic and ginger with oil till lightly brown and soft. Remove from heat, puree slightly in blender. Return to pot, add berbere. Continue to simmer for about 15-20 minutes at low heat stirring occasionally, adding a touch of water as needed to avoid sticking. Add chicken and simmer until chicken is fully cooked. Add salt, Koreria, Wot kimem and water (as needed). Serve hot with injera.

Let me know if you have any questions - I hope that you enjoy!!!

a phenomenal cause and giveaway!!!

2010-07-25T11:00:00.000-04:00

embracing the least of these is having a sequel to their first big giveaway - and this time it is to benefit the children of Ethiopia that are called "Korah", or cursed. Over 100,000 people have been shunned by their families and communities, and many are literally living in a dump, attempting to find metal, plastic, etc. to sell in order to feed their families. Please visit their site and see how to help!! embracingtheleastofthese.blogspot.com

some fun pictures of our summer

2010-07-11T15:41:00.000-04:00

Here are a few pictures from our summer. The log pile - eric and I spent 8 hours one saturday splitting wood. Hopefully it will take us through part of the winter. Kim - the pictures of Hannah in her dress are for you - that is my attempt of a fancy bandana dress.
The rest of the pictures are of my three little monkeys, clowning around in front of the camera. You see, I was taking the pictures and Eric was behind me (I have no idea what he was doing, but you can tell from the kids faces that they thought that he was hilarious!!)
Enjoy!

July numbers

2010-07-09T15:32:00.002-04:00

I know - do not fall over - I am posting twice in one day!!! Amazing! We received our official July number today....#28!!! We know that we are 2 or 3 lower than that because of our unofficial list, but it is so good to see some movement after a very very slow month.
Hang in there sweet girl - we are getting closer!!!

Happy Anniversary!

2010-07-09T09:37:00.000-04:00

Just a quick post to say - Happy Anniversary to my gorgeous, God-loving, kind, gentle, patient husband. I cannot believe that 10 years ago today I became your wife! And it has been ten fun-filled, crazy years! But three kids later, with one on the way:) - I love you more than I did on that day. The way that you put up with me:), the way that you play tickle monster with the kids after a long day at work, the way you snuggle with your baby girl before bed, the lullaby you sing to us every night ....I could spend all day telling you the things that I so appreciate about you!!! Here's to ten more wonderful years (and who knows how many more kids!!!)
p.s. hopefully I will get to post our july numbers later today...)

Here in Virginia

2010-06-20T16:51:00.000-04:00

Just thought that I would post an update since it has been awhile since I have been on here. The kids and I drove down to Virginia last Monday to spend 10 days at my parents house in Richmond. Yes, I am probably crazy to drive 7 hours alone with my three kiddos through NYC, Jersey, Baltimore, and Washington, but I LOVE city driving and it is sooooo worth it! We arrived Monday afternoon and have been going ever since. My twin sis - Liz - and her two boys drove up from NC on Tuesday and we had three fun days of watching the cousins play together. Earlier in the season my parents bought us all season passes to Kings Dominion (which is an amusement park with a huge water park attached to it) and we have been there every day! As a mom - I love being able to go when I want, ride a few rides, lay in the lazy river, and then leave - instead of trying to cram all the rides and water slides in one day, standing in line forever with three kids:)!!! My parents also belong to the childrens museum of richmond, and between that, the free summer bolwing that Richmond offers and the free movies at Regal cinemas - we have had so much fun!!! HAve I ever mentioned how much I LOVE the South!!!!? I would love to one day call it home again, but for now, we love to enjoy summers here with Grandma and Grandpa. Oh, and I know that pictures would be nice, and I thought about bringing the camera - but really? Three kiddos at an amusement park and a camera? I can barely keep my head attached, much less remember to take pics:). Hopefully one of these days Eric will be able to come with us, and then he can go on all of the headache inducing rides while I can take the pictures!!

June Numbers

2010-06-11T07:07:00.000-04:00

May was a slow month in referral land, as the new two trip policy is starting up and everyone is making adjustments. But we did move a few spots, and our unofficial number is probably 2 lower than our official number because two referrals went out this week and had not been "officially" accepted when we received our new number. Confusing? yep - you should see how I pour over the unofficial list and try to figure everything out:). So our May number was 35 and our June number is.....31 (but really 29!!!) Keep waiting, little girl - we are getting closer to you!!!

a lot of (random) thoughts

2010-05-26T08:42:00.000-04:00

so, for those of you who know me at all, you know that I am not very eloquent. Okay, let's be honest - not at all. Especially after three pregnancies:). I often feel like my brain is a hamster ball, and I am lucky if I can form coherent sentences for my kids. For example - all three of my kiddos answer to any of their three names:) - can you imagine why?!!! Anyways, for awhile now, God has been breaking my heart- for things that it has never been broken for before. and I have wanted to write about it, but did not because I did not think that I could put into words what God has been doing in my life. But I am going to give it a try - so if my rambling get to be too much - I understand! But I am going to try - For my daughter. Because, sweet girl - you have changed my life and I have not even seen your face. Yes, you have changed it the way all three of your siblings have changed it - with more love, anticipation, impatience, etc. But also in a completely different, life altering, awe inspiring way. You, my daughter, have opened my eyes to my Father's heart - His heart for the orphan and widow. Yes, before you, I could quote the scripture, and support children from afar, feeling all warm and fuzzy that I was "doing something to help". But I did not understand. Not saying that I completely understand it all now- but I am working on it - thanks to you!!! My whole life, I have always felt like something was missing, I had a need to do something but I had no idea what it was. During my time in Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and Yemen - my heart was stirred, but that was as far as I let it go. and then marriage, work, kids....I pushed back the unsettled feelings that I had because "the time is not right", or "maybe when the kids are older".....the list goes on and on.
And then God called us to you. He chose us - to be part of His plan for the orphan and widow. And I thought - great!! hopefully the unsettled feeling will go away, because now we are "doing" something. and it did, for a little while. and then it came back, bigger than ever. As I was reading adoption books, blogs, etc., the feeling got bigger. and bigger. So I began to pray more and more. That my heart would break for what breaks HIS. That I would not, could not, settle. Because you see - I know that God does not want us to stop with you. Does that mean more adoptions? Maybe. Or could it possibly mean something else? I do not know - but I wait with anticipation to see what God is going to do through us. While the mundane things of life surround me, my mind is often far away.. wondering what it is like to have one meal a day, or sleep in the open, or not have love. and I cry, often. For children like you that will never have a forever family. For women just like me that cry every night because their babies are hungry, and they can do nothing about it. Because while we might live worlds apart, we were made in the same Likeness, and I know that our mommas' hearts break for our children. So, Father God, please continue to break my heart for what breaks Yours. Please show us your plan, not ours. and my sweet daughter - your mommy is so ready to see your face, to hold you in my arms, to bring you home to your forever family. Where ever you are today - your mommy loves you, more than you can know.

Please pray

2010-05-19T07:19:00.000-04:00

Awhile back I blogged about a little girl adopted from Serbia who was in the hospital on life support after heart surgery. Her name is Chrissie - allarepreciousinhissight.blogspot.com. Chrissie is dancing today in heaven - after coding all night in the PICU. Please pray for her family today - that they feel the peace and comfort only He can give. and if you have a minute to stop by her blog - I know that her family would appreciate your note/prayer/words of encouragement.

a fun weekend

2010-05-17T20:44:00.000-04:00

Eric parents were here this weekend, and we took the opportunity to go into NYC for the day (I use any and every excuse that I can - I love the city!). We decided to drive this time (instead of taking the train) and found a FREE parking spot on the west side of central park. From there we walked to the subway, bought our usual day pass, and meandered on to Times Square. Let me just say - I love the city!! I love riding the subway, and people watching. Where else in the USA can you see families sightseeing to grungy teenagers to corporate execs to women dressed to go to a fancy party - all in one place?!!! I love it!!! and my kids definitely take after their mother - they love it too! So, off to a deli that eric found on-line: Ben's deli. it was fabulous. Huge over-stuffed sandwiches, plenty of room, good service - and all the kids ate!~! Yes, you read correctly - even hannah! Glory-be! after lunch we walked through Times Square to Toys'r'us - and of course we had to take Grandma and Grandpa on the four story ferris wheel! I think that I like it as much as the kids:). Then on to central park - to the zoo (we are members of the bronx zoo, so we get free admission to the central park zoo too!). It is the perfect zoo for the kids - it takes about an hour to go through - just in time for the kids to start whining about spiderman popsicles:). and just in case you were wondering - spiderman popsicles are sooooo much better than the spongebob ones!!!:). After ice cream:), we rode a few subways and found our way back to our car, and the children were oh so quiet all the way home! It was a perfect day! So, my blogging friends - anytime any of you decide you want to venture over here - I would love to have an excuse to people watch again:).

May numbers!!

2010-05-12T15:36:00.000-04:00

We just received our official May number from our case worker at AGCI! We are officially #35 on the girl's list!!! (our march number was 50, so we moved 15 spots!!). Again, Eric and I want to say thanks for all the prayers, encouragement, and love that you are all showering us with through this journey! I cannot wait to be able to blog about our call!
Happy May!!!!

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T18:05:00.000-04:00

First - to my mother. You are my best friend, the one I go to when I need encouragement, you constantly motivate to be my best/do my best, you unconditionally love me (even when I am losing it!), you give me a beautiful example of pure love - through your love of Christ and your love of your family. You gave me life, and so much more. Words can never express how much you mean to me - I am who I am today because of you.
Second - to all the mother's who have been and are a part of my life. You are what keep me going when my monkeys are being monkeys:). You encourage me, with simple calls, hugs, and your presence. You make me smile when I see your number on my phone. You listen to me cry, laugh, whine, and rejoice. You share your life with me, and I with you.
Third - to Kyria's mother/father/family. My heart is heavy for the first time on Mother's Day. Thinking of a completely different way of life, of living day to day. Of hunger. Of uncertainty. Oh, my heart aches for all the mothers who have chosen life for their children, even though that life may not be with them.
Mothers- such a simple word - heavy with meaning. My heart is blessed by being a mother, and by the presence of so many wonderful mommies and mommies-to-be in my life! Today I am celebrating you!!!

Happy Nurses Week

2010-05-07T17:49:00.000-04:00

When I am not being a full-time mommy to my fabulous three kiddos, I have the pleasure of being a nurse. I have always wanted to be a nurse. My mom is a nurse, and in high school I had no doubt that I was going to go to college to get my Bachelors of Science in Nursing. And so I did. And for those of you that do not know me, it was during a three month service term in Costa Rica/Nicaragua that I began to develop a calling. To be a burn nurse. Yep, you read correctly. In my junior year I traveled to Yemen, where I worked in a hospital taking care of burn patients. As soon as I graduated, Eric and I were married and I moved down to Chapel Hill, NC (he was getting his PhD in physics there) and began working at the North Carolina Jaycee Burn Center. The things that I have seen and done I pray that my children will never experience. But through all the horror, pain and suffering that I saw on a day-to-day basis, God's grace shown through. In the 5 year old abuse victim, in the 40 year old dad of three, in the 19 year college student. To minister to the patients and their families during such a terrible time in their lives - it was not by my strength that I cared for my patients. God definitely put a calling on my life. After almost 7 years there, God moved us to NY, where I am now working in an ICU - and completely enjoying my non-stressful job. I have been a nurse for 10 years, and it is one of the hardest, dirtiest, messiest, most rewarding jobs (other than mothering and teaching) that I can think of. So, to all the nurses out there who take care of us and our loved ones during our toughest moments, to the nurses who save us from the doctors (oh yes:), to the nurses who listen endlessly to your family members:), to my nurses who save my brain from mommy-itis two or three times a month = THANK YOU!!!!

King sized bed?!!!

2010-04-27T20:49:00.000-04:00

So, I must apologize - it has been awhile since I have blogged. I have had a lot of stuff running around in my head, and for those of you who know me, you know that I am often not too eloquent:). So I will stick to simple things today - a king sized bed. Before we were married, I told Eric that I wanted a king sized bed. We decided (after much discussion and tears on my part:) that we really did not need a bed that large, and we opted for a queen size. Now, do not get me wrong - I love my bed. Bed time is my favorite time of day, and other than being in a large jacuzzi tub (which I do not have:( ), my favorite place in my house in usually my bed. For cuddling, nursing, reading, watching tv (yes, I know that I should not have a tv in my bedroom:), etc. And there is nothing better then saturday mornings at 7am when my monkeys climb in bed with me, all warm and snuggly from sleep and we watch cartoons (I love saturdays - when I do not work:). BUT - we do not all fit in our bed (our queen sized bed). Right now, Saturday mornings sound something like this - "He touched me!! I am falling off, she is sitting on my hand, I cannot see the tv! I am falling off, move over, I am falling off.....boom. You get the picture:)
I will not say "I told you so, honey", but.....
We are adding to our family, and I know that if 5 will not fit, 6 will definitely not. So....what to do?

Noah turns 7!

2010-04-19T21:34:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe that my baby is turning 7 in a few hours. It feels like yesterday that we were driving to the hospital to have him, and just tonight he lost his third tooth (the first one on the top!).
Noah is our very energetic, very emotional, artistic, expressive boy. He is full of spunk:) and asks a million questions each day. He has such a gentle heart, always "taking care of mommy". I thank God daily for my first born, and pray that as he grows that he grows in the likeness of his Maker. I love you, my little Noah!

A beautiful post

2010-04-18T20:09:00.001-04:00

One of my sweet bloggy friends:) Andrea - she has been a huge encouragement to me on our adoption journey (they are in the process of adopting from our agency)- posted today on her blog and said that I could share her post with you. It truly amazes me the way that God has worked through Andrea in my life - many of her blogs are on issues that I am struggling with or feeling moved about - and then she blogs about it for me!:) I am not eloquent, but after reading the following post - you will find that Andrea is. This post speaks volumes to me - we have been dealing a lot with these kinds of questions lately, and I have been struggling with how to answer them. (If only I could memorize the whole thing- and then quote it to the unsuspecting stranger that makes an offhand comment about our adoption!) Enjoy.....

p.s. - andrea's blog is babyofmyheart.com

"Your baby has a birth mother?"

I thought that question might get your attention. Either you’ve adopted or you’re adopting—and you’ve been asked this question and not quite known how to explain…you have felt strange answering it…or the question just caught you off guard. You’ve started to talk about your child’s birth mother and then stopped…or chosen not to, because you don’t want them to ask and you feel as though they might not “get it”. And then—as you were quiet, you also failed to hold your thoughts captive, and you allowed yourself and your child’s birth mother to be judged or feel like you were…and then you felt feelings you can’t explain—which led to an inkling of doubt…UNTIL you came back to the gospel and you were reminded of the truth that first led you on this journey in the first place.

OR this question caught your attention because you’ve asked it yourself…or you’ve wondered it–and wanted to ask….but you were too afraid to, because something in the question just didn’t feel right.

I don’t have all the answers, and everyone’s story is different—but I hope this answer can shed some light on this “so often asked question” whether spoken or not that is rarely answered. So, here goes…

Yes.

I am adopting. And my baby has a birth mother.

To answer your question in a more simplistic way—all babies have a birth mother. Seriously. But, we have to start there. Do you believe me so far? This is the first truth–and I like to stick to what is true and let the way I choose to live flow out of that. So, every baby has a birth mother. BUT…

…some times–a mom can’t take care of her baby. It’s true. This is really true too. It doesn’t change how much she loves her baby. She does—so deeply. And adoption for any mommy, is always—always—always last resort. Are you a mommy? Do you remember what it was like to hold your newborn baby in your arms? To be the only one who could make him stop crying? To be the only one who could feed him? To be the only one who could, other than God Himself, give him life and nourishment from your very breast? There was a connection…one that made your heart beat faster. When someone else held your baby, you felt as if they were holding part of your heart–and it ACHED until they handed him back. The mother who chooses adoption for her baby…shares the SAME heart…it is no different…BUT…

…some times–a mom loves her baby so much that she is able to seperate herself…and realize when she is actually unable to give that baby life. And she makes a difficult decision based on love. Each mommy who makes this decision has a story that looks very different. The 15 year old who was filled with insecurity who slept with a boy who told her he loved her…she chose to be rediculed–gossiped about–and to give a baby life. She feels like her life is ruined…but she doesn’t give up hope–and she cries out to God for help…

The 32 year old newly widowed mother who just buried her husband and is left in tears as she sits in her mud home wondering how she will feed her seven single orphaned children…as she feels the baby inside her kick…the one babe that her husband never got to see…and finally A SON! Yet, she knows what will happen to him—and the rest of her precious ones if they can’t find work…and fast. They cough at night (do they have the same sickness their daddy had?), she begs for money not knowing where tomorrow’s food will come from…let alone any medical care–and she cries out to the Lord to rescue her…and her unborn child…

Across town–a couple who has tried for seven years to have a baby…test after test…poked and proded…their hearts are tired. They are tired of the questions. Tired of the baby showers. And they, too, cry out to God.

Across the world–a couple with 7 children…four biological and three adopted…feel a void in their life. It’s unexplainable…but their hearts ACHE. They cry out to God…and again…they know what He is asking of them.

The answer seems simple enough.

You can see the Lord working if you allow yourself to.

OR…

…you can question Him.

If you ever want to be handicap from living the gospel–begin to question instead of encourage people to walk by faith (walking by faith rarely makes sense…that’s why it’s called…well, walking by faith).

Wouldn’t it make more sense to give your baby’s birth mother the amount of money your adoption costs? Maybe. But I wasn’t called to make everything make sense. AND that is not what God is calling me to do. (But…believe it or not, this is a question I have been asked. With our school in Africa, we have also been asked similar questions…like—wouldn’t it make more sense to give the money it costs for you to go see them rather than spend all that money on that expensive plane ticket. Actually…no. Because God called me to visit the widow and orphan…and we are called to follow Him in what He asks us to do—not what might make sense to a human brain. I serve God, not man—so I fully expect what we do not to always make sense to man…our brain’s are quite different than God’s…thankfully so—I want to serve a God whose mind I can’t comprehend! The beauty…when you follow God to sit in the widow’s mud home, His ways begin to bring understand—and you GET IT. Unless you’ve followed Him in this way, it just won’t make sense until you do. And unless you have followed Him in adoption…it won’t quite make sense either…but I’m going to try and explain the best I can…)

Allow me to entertain the question just for the sake of it. What would it look like to actually give a mother in a hut $25,000? Think about it. How long would it last? What would she do when it was stolen? Because trust me, it would be. Would she know how to save it or hide it–or even make it last? What would happen to it when she died? What would happen to her children? Better yet, have you ever given someone in a 3rd world country that kind of money? I can tell you from our experience–that it wouldn’t last long. And I can also tell you from our personal experience that there are, in fact, ways to give that kind of money and make it last in Africa—but unless you know Africa, know the pain of a pregnant teen or unless you have really had your hands very deep in these issues…asking the question is much easier than being a part of the solution. What it boils down to–is that the Lord loves these babies and as believers–those He calls must be obedient. And that, my friends, is called living the gospel…being obedient to WHATEVER He calls you to do.

It’s always interesting to me the questions that I am asked and what they mean. Does your baby have a birth mother? Oh she does…well, I didn’t know orphans had birth mothers? Well, it’s true. Every baby has a birth mother. Some take leave them at the hospital down town. Some call places like Bethany Children’s Services and their heart ACHES the entire car-ride to meet the kind lady on the other end of the phone. Some take them to the local orphanage after walking 10 miles barefoot. And some are too ashamed—and leave them outside on the church steps…and like Jechebed and Miriam in Exodus…they hide watching and PRAYING that someone…ANY ONE…will rescue their love. Trust that they, do all in fact, love their babies deeply…trust that for each of them adoption was their last choice…and trust that the Soverign God about all creation will hear their cry, answer their prayer and be their refuge.

This…this is exclusive truth. Not every mommy can care for her baby, and we can’t solve the world’s problems with dropping a big check on a doorstep either. We also can’t ignore how the Lord may be calling us to be used…or maybe we can. Maybe we can even hinder someone who is being used and feel better about what we are choosing to do or choosing not to do by shedding doubt and hiding behind questions as if our ideas our better than God’s…

What if you did _________ instead? What about __________? Oh honey, do you and your spouse really feel this is necessary…I mean—your dad and I are just uncomfortable with this…what about if you __________ instead. You really don’t have that kind of money to be adopting dear…and your father and I would love to help you—but we just really don’t agree with it. Should you be adopting if you don’t have that kind of money…you really think the Lord is going to provide?

I have to say that I am blessed and fortunate enough to be SURROUNDED by parents, family and friends who are cheering us on and supporting our decision to adopt…even if—yes, our baby does have a birth mother. She also has a beautiful story—and I believe when we adopt Isaac that I will have opportunities to bless her…simply because I am choosing to seek them out. For our Isaac, his mom waited until it was hopeless to give up…but the Lord had already lassoed my heart…I am His and His will is my heart’s desire. I am so thankful to be surrounded by support…but this is unfortunately not everyone’s story. And it’s a shame.

Because the mommy who gives up her child should not be put to shame. Nor should the mommy that opens her hands to the Lord and says, “Thy will be done…use me…I’m all yours if you want me to do this for Your glory.” Both mommies are doing the best they can…and if we are also believers…we should rally around them, cheer them on and by golly–even SUPPORT and SERVE them. Those who need financial help…we should help them. Those who need prayer and are struggling to follow…we should pray for them. Because what it all comes down to—is that both mommies are not only doing the best they can…they are also trusting in the Lord for His care of these babies. And it’s a beautiful picture of how God gave up His son so we might live…and how He persued us and loved us before we ever knew Him so we might have a relationship with Him.

So in short—yes, my baby has a birth mother.

And I am the other mother. And very blessed, thankful and awe-stuck that God CHOSE me! I’m giddy, excited and overjoyed! (When we surrender…and our hearts collide with His will—this is what happens!)

And she couldn’t do it…with our without money. It was part of the Lord’s will and His plan. His ways are not our ways…they are higher. And it doesn’t have to make sense to you—or to me. Who am I to question God? The other truth is–is that I am following God and this is what He asked us to do. I am so thankful that there are many other mommies and daddies that are also joining us in adoption…serving the poor…visiting the widow. Some have support and some don’t. And that’s OKAY. But lemme tell ya—it’s way more fun to join someone in serving the Lord than to hinder them. Our choice to follow the Lord even when it doesn’t make perfect sense…even when it’s hard—and yours can be to support us–or you can hinder. Hindering won’t be fun for either one of us…and it won’t stop us from following the Lord either. And it won’t stop the Lord’s plan of prevailing either. If you know of someone adopting and it doesn’t quite make sense to you YET…be patient and ask the Lord to help you. And be very cautious not to be judgemental. It’s one thing to ignore the truth. It’s another to not support someone in following how the Lord is leading them…and it’s quite another to be judgemental about it…

[Confession side note: And being judgemental...I totally get it. I'm quilty---but thankfully saved by grace and I have confessed this sin to the Lord and walked from it. But lest you think I don't sin...which I do...I have a confession---an ugly one to make. I struggle some times with being judgemental of those who question serving the poor or those following the Lord in things like adoption. A few years ago, before we started a school in Zambia--my husband and I were at our favorite vacation spot in Hilton Head Island, and we were talking about how much sense it would make to purchase a beach house---we could split it with 3 other friends...it'd totally make sense...and it'd totally be so much fun. We could rent it out...everyone would take a week out of the year...and we could even all go down together now and again. It'd be an "investment" Then--we met Africa. And our beach house plan...quickly lost it's luster. We saw something that was much more worth our investment---we were sold and there was no question which had better returns...that is if you believe in the gospel and are choosing to live for the kingdom of God. For awhile, I was judgemental of those who invested in things like fancy cars, beach houses, luxurious vacations...I'm just being honest. I was immature in my faith---and I was looking at what others were doing, thinking about how that money could be used to save lives and being judgemental. Now, there is NOTHING wrong with owning a beach house or a fancy vacation if you are a believer...as long as you use it for the glory of God---as EVERYTHING we have is HIS and should be used for His glory...and it made my brain hurt to figure out how I could use those things for the kingdom...so I just gave up. The TRUTH is that I don't know what those people are doing with what they have been given---and truthfully it is none of my business. The enemy would want me to judge---but that is not my place. I am accountable for myself---and we must be VERY careful to not look to the right or left---but to keep our eyes focused on God and what He is asking US to do! I can't judge how someone spends their money on something any more than someone judges us for how we spent money on adopting...or a playset (one day...and I promise we'll use it for the glory of God;). We must keep our eyes focused on the Lord and NOT let the enemy distract us by judging one another. USE what YOU have been GIVEN by HIM for HIS GLORY...whatever it is...and let us as believers--instead of judging and hindering---let us encourage and support one another toward obedience in Christ! EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS HIS...LORD, HELP US TO HAVE OPEN HANDS, SERVE THE POOR AND OTHERS...AND TO FOLLOW YOU NO MATTER WHAT! End of confession.]

But besides the fact my son has a birth mother…you didn’t ask, but I want to tell you anyway…

I am BLESSED to be the other mommy.

It hasn’t been easy. And it’s not finished. Being Isaac’s mommy will be an honor, and it will also be a challenge—as this has been true for my other babies as well. And for me—it doesn’t really make sense. I was surprised by ALL my pregnancies…each is a funny story because I am convinced God just has a since of humor with me. I was just as surprised with my pregnancy with Isaac as I was Parker, Laney and Frank. When God called me to get “paper pregnant” with Isaac, I had a 4 year old, 3 year old and a 7 month old. I sat at my dining room table and cried just as I did with my other pregnancies and said, “Lord, I am sooooo excited! But…are you sure me? Are you sure I can do this?!” Both good and hard times are ahead. BUT…I’m trusting my Savior for the journey. And I’d love to have those I love join me.

For the reader who is not the “other mommy”…Is there someone in your life who is following the Lord in this way, but it’s been hard for you to join them? Take a moment to think about how this is much harder for them than it is for you—how their world is changing and they are sacrificing things in their own life to follow the Lord…and realize the truth…that they are doing the best they can to be obedient to the Lord. You have a choice…to support or hinder–and ultimately you will be choosing between joining them in what God is doing…or being a stumbling block instead. Either way, the Lord will always prevails. And by golly, life is just better when we surrender to Him, join His people in what they are doing—agree that it just doesn’t make sense…but life is just too short not to give up…and live for His kingdom.

For those of you on the journey…having a hard time answering the questions—or for those of you on the other end…trying to make a decision whether to keep or give up your baby…remember you don’t ever have to have all the answers right now. Remember the Lord loves you and loves every child He creates. And just as He finds the sparrow a home and clothes the lillies of the field…He will always provide for those who seek His face.
The Lord’s ways are not our ways—and He can be trusted. Seek Him with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding and trust Him to direct your path.

Thursdays

2010-04-15T20:14:00.000-04:00

I love Thursdays. Historically - it is my day to do nothing (although I have been grocery shopping for a few weeks on thursdays:). But now it is spring - and I get to do my favorite thing on Thursdays - mow my front lawn. For those of you who know me:), you know that I love grass - thick full grass. Grass that begs your toes to step on it and you know that it will feel like carpet. I love the smell of freshly cut grass; I love the lines the grass gets after mowing it; i love grass. (this is giving you all a very scary snapshot of my crazy ocd!) Anyways - before children, and honestly even after the boys, I was over the top with the grass. i watered, loved, fertilized, and agonized over my grass. over the top - yep, that was me. Anyways - all that said - if only I approached my relationship with Christ this way - over the top, ocd. I go through peaks and valleys, and although I yearn to be over the top in my Christian walk - many days I know that I fall far short - often from fear. As one of my fellow AGCI moms wrote yesterday - "Help us to trust you in big ways Lord. Move mountains in our lives—and bring glory to Your name! We boldly and courageously walk down YOUR path Lord…BEHIND You…as YOU go BEFORE us. Because of this…we will not fear. For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7)." Andrea - beautifully written. So, to the walmart cashier today that I shared our birthday parties with, and the sams greeter that I told about my heart for ethiopia, and the dentist who asked me why ethiopia and instead of giving him the usual blah answer I shared my heart for Christ and His love of orphans - know that you were my fear. my fear of being different, of wondering what people would think about me. Lord, help me follow behind You,; you have given me a heart as Yours - broken for the orphan and widow, the sad and oppressed. Help me explode through my fear and shine for You!!!

PS - had to add some adorable pics of my monkeys! I was looking back through the past few years, remembering and tearing up:) and had to share with you all! Enjoy

April Numbers!!!

2010-04-09T08:08:00.000-04:00

We received our monthly update from our case worker, Julie, yesterday! and it was much much better than we had anticipated! She said that we are officially #43, but that it is actually lower because there are a few referrals that went out and have not been officially accepted yet (you need an international pediatrician to sign off on the medical records before you can officially accepts - this takes a few days). So - we are almost out of the 40's!!!!! So excited - and trying not to be anxious, just really longing for our little one to be in our arms! we finally finished our adoption announcements, and I am going to send them out today - with our march numbers on them:).
Happy friday!!!

New Easter Pics!

2010-04-06T20:22:00.000-04:00

Not much to tell on the adoption front - as far as we know there have not been a lot of referrals, so no great number news, but I do have some pictures of our cuties from Easter! We went down to Virginia and North Carolina for 11 days - and it was gorgeous! So warm, and green....it was hard to come home to NY:).

please pray for abby

2010-03-29T13:40:00.000-04:00

i usually only post things about our family on here, but God has placed abby and her family on our hearts lately, and abby, brent, and michelle are having a tremendously bad day. their blog is www.riggsfamilyblog.com and abby is in surgery right now while the doctors try to figure out what they can do to help her breathing. Please pray for healing for abby, as this is just one complication of her cancer, and for Brent and Michelle as they struggle to stay strong and full of hope in the face of yet another struggle. Thank you for lifting them up with me!

family

2010-03-28T19:02:00.000-04:00

i love family. i love everything about them. i love spending time with them. i love telling my kids how important family is. i would rather be with my family then almost anywhere else. i love family:). The kids and i are down in Richmond for a week (spring break) with my parents and brother. I love watching my kids interact with my parents. and, if I am being completely honest:), I love being mothered. I feel like I am back in middle school - the smells, the tastes, cuddling with my mom on the couch...I am truly a mommy's girl!!! So, this post is for my family- thank you for giving me life, for raising me in a God-loving household, for home schooling me in order to give me opportunites for service and learning in a completely different way than traditional schooling, for instilling in me the importance of family, and also opening my eyes to the wonder of serving others on a daily basis (my parents have taken in over 80 foster babies, and through that I have two beautiful adopted African American siblings~). Thanks Mom and Dad - I love you~!~

what a happy day!!!

2010-03-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

oh, our God is sooooo good! he always knows when I need a pick-me-up! First off, I have to say again what an incredible group of families we are on this journey with. The other families that are adopting from our agency have become another family for us through this journey, supporting us with encouragement and prayer - thank you guys from the bottom of my heart!!!
Next - I made (yes, you read right:) two bandana dresses for Hannah last night - so adorable and so easy! I will post pics when I can.:)
And - I made over 75 bars of soap in the last two days. We have sold over 50 bars so far, and have paid for all the supplies, so everything from here on out is going straight towards our plane tickets!!!
And last but not least......the government announced yesterday that they are extending the adoption tax credit through December 2011 (it was going to end this year) and increasing it to $13,170 and.....it is refundable now, not just a credit! We are flying high today, because that means that half of our adoption is paid for!!!! Oh, I cannot tell you what a huge weight has been lifted! We are still going to continue to fund raise:), but this helps so much!

new soap pics!

2010-03-15T20:21:00.000-04:00

still having fun with the soap - the boys and I have made almost 40 bars! Today we tried the layering technique with my favorite colors - lime green and blue, with a clear middle. We love it! So now I just need to work on marketing and hopefully we can start raising money to help with the second trip to Ethiopia! And I just have to add - I am constantly amazed by our agency, with the way that they strive to keep us up to date with the newest developments, and the adoption family that we have through all the other families adopting through our agency - we are encouraged daily by these friends who are truly living our God's calling to care for the orphan and widows. One of these families helped found Wiphan , our organization helping to equip widows and orphans with food, shelter, jobs, etc in Zambia, Africa. Check them out at www.wiphan.org.
Enjoy the pics of the soap:)

a fun fundraising adventure

2010-03-14T20:01:00.000-04:00

so, I have been praying for awhile about how to raise money for our adoption. I thought about writing a letter to friends and family, t-shirts, selling coffee, etc. But nothing really jumped out at me, or if it did, there are already a lot of people doing it (like the t-shirt idea). So, I was wandering around hobby lobby on friday (Andrea - you started this obsession with your blog last week!) and I found the soap making isle. and I loved it! So, I bought 5 pounds of glycerin, some dyes and fragrances, and two fun molds (zoo animals and bugs) and went home. And saturday morning Noah and I made soap. We had so much fun - he is my artistic one and he loves doing projects. It was great to be able to spend some one-on-one time with him. Anyways, we made 15 bars of peppermint and vanilla soap in about 10 minutes, green and purple and yellow - and they are incredible! So, after mulling it over this weekend, and looking stuff up on line, and talking with eric, we are going to attempt our first fundraiser - homemade soap. I'll post a few pics when I talk the hubby into getting the pics online (he has a specific way he wants them on f spot and I can never remember how to do it:). So, is anyone interested in buying some fun soap? I ordered a bunch of stuff this evening on line and it should be here by friday! new scents - I will have peppermint, vanilla, lavender, snickerdoodle, strawberry, cherry almond, grapefruit, tangerine, and hot apple pie. And tomorrow I am going to experiment with layering and additives! the fun beings! and, if it flops, my friends and family will be receiving a lot of soap for birthdays, Christmas, mother's day, etc:)!!!

awestruck

2010-03-10T16:49:00.000-05:00

I am truly awestruck by our awe-inspiring, magnificent, life orchestrating God. Only our God could give me peace when I would usually be over the top anxious. Only our God could give me excitement when I would usually be in tears. We received an email yesterday from our agency telling us about a conference call today concerning changes in Ethiopia's adoption policies. The long and short of it is - 1. the US embassy will be carefully scrutinizing adoption cases before travel visas - which they have always been able to do, but in light of recent media coverage of Ethiopian adoptions they are going to be more careful. 2. We get to travel to Ethiopia twice. Notice I said get. Yes, you read correctly. I am sure that I will have days were I will not be excited about this, but now I am truly excited to travel twice. Many reasons - here are a few: we get to meet our daughter weeks before we thought we would (2-3 weeks after our referral instead of 6-8 weeks after referral), Eric and I get to travel internationally twice in a few months (something that we love to do - travel:)- but have not since the kiddos came along, and we get to soak in much more of Ethiopia than we would with just one trip! The financial side is daunting, as well as leaving my three kiddos here in the states for two weeks instead of one, but I know that this will all work out - we serve a very wealthy God:), and He will provide. Many times in the Bible God lays out His heart for the orphan and widow - and I believe that the changes that Ethiopia has made to their adoption process will only continue to safeguard the well being of the children that have been put up for adoption. Yes, this makes it harder, and longer, and more expensive, but we never thought this road would be easy, and the end result is the same - our daughter will be in our arms!! I am also truly amazed with the integrity, openness and love that our agency has shown in the past few weeks - we are so blessed to be in this journey with such amazing people. We are truly blessed.

Birthday Parties!~

2010-03-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

Who does not love a birthday party?!!! For awhile now, a group of stay at home moms in the Hudson Valley have felt God tugging at our hearts - to reach out to our community in a tangible way. Most of us have at least two children, many not in preschool yet, so the opportunities were not jumping out at us.:) We read about a program that three friends started in Boston to provide birthday parties for children who would otherwise not be celebrating their birthdays. Gini - our fearless leader:), is the world's best organizer and planner (her closet takes my breath away!) and she has started a blog as a way for us to plan, organize, and throw a monthly birthday party at Hudson River Housing, a nonprofit organization that strives to help individuals and families get back on their feet. We are throwing our first birthday party this saturday - for seven children ages 1-12! We are bringing our families, and praying that this would not only touch the hearts of the children and their families and friends, but also be a great way to show Christ to our children. If anyone is interested, our blog is hvsweetbirthdays.blogspot.com. We would love prayer, suggestions, etc.

we are on the wait list!!!

2010-03-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

Oh, I have been waiting to write this one!!! I just got the call from Christy, our case manager at AGCI!! We are number 50!! on the girls list! We are so thankful - and excited!! Let the fun begin!! Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement - we definitely felt and appreciated this weekend!

yummy food!

2010-02-28T20:20:00.000-05:00

okay, so while I have been not so patiently waiting to be done with the paperwork chase, I have been cooking ethiopian food at least once a week. Over a month ago, we went to an ethiopian restaurant in NJ, and I loved loved loved it. Especially a dish named kik aletcha. It is made from yellow split peas and fresh veggies and spices and I could eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (and many days I do:)!. So, today I decided to tackle making homemade injera - the bread-like food that you scoop up stews, meats, and veggies with. When I have had it in the the past, it has been almost bitter, and I have not been able to get my kids to take more than a bite (even noah - and he will try anything and usually love it). All of the recipes that I have found say that you have to make a starter, and feed it, and for those of you that know me - that is not going to happen:). So, back to the internet, and about two weeks ago I found a recipe that uses teff (the main flour from ethiopia), whole wheat flour, and self rising flour. It was so easy - and probably not totally authentic because of the different types of flour and not using a starter - but it was delicious! It did not have the bitter taste, and my kids loved it!!!! all three of them! So, by the time Kyria comes home, we will probably be sick of this dish:). If any of you have any yummy ethiopian recipes, please let me know! And please be praying - i am going in to my hospital tomorrow morning to try to get another employment verification letter - and then hopefully overnighting it to oregon! I'll let you know....

another bump

2010-02-26T20:32:00.000-05:00

another bump in our adoption road - we had thought that we would be a number on the waiting list today, but alas - it was not to be. My employment verification did not include my annual salary (probably because I am per diem and do not have a salary!), so I have to do it again. After two hours of wailing and crying, I think that my tear ducts are empty. My poor children - obviously I do not cry around them enough, because they were all way too concerned that "mommy is crying" and "please stop mommy" and "don't start again mommy!".:) anyways, God is so good - I wrote and called my boss right away (whom I have only met once over a year ago - I only work twice a month and only on the weekends), and found out that she is at a funeral in upstate new york. After putting the monkeys to bed, I decided to check my email one more time (still weaning myself off after having to be on top of the home study people 24/7):). And lo and behold - my boss had emailed me back, telling me that she would be in the office at 8am monday morning and would be happy to help in any way she could. Wow- although my weekend would have been so much better with a number:), this makes the waiting okay, as I know that monday morning it will be done and I do not have to wonder when she will be back! Thank you Father - I needed that tonight!

it is here!!!

2010-02-23T12:22:00.000-05:00

yeah!!!! The fedex man just left (after getting a really big hug from me - I am sure that he thinks that I am deranged:) and my incredible hubby is coming home to take our dossier to the UPS store! Of course, today is the day that we have to have a blizzard, and the kids have early dismissal, and the roads are a mess:(. But never fear -my hubby knows me so well I did not even have to ask! How I love that boy! Anyways - off to Oregon it goes and hopefully by Friday we will have a number!

so close

2010-02-16T06:55:00.000-05:00

well - it is almost time to post the one we have been waiting for! We just made the revisions to our home study and sent them back to the social worker, and we are just waiting for final approval from our agency, and then signatures and a fed ex truck, and we will be able to send our dossier in! Cannot wait for that post!

nothing to report

2010-02-06T15:06:00.001-05:00

we received the rough draft of our home study last wednesday night, I made some corrections and sent it back to our social worker 30 minutes later. And nothing. I am told that "things are coming along" and "you are highly motivated". I think that it is all code for "we will do it when we want and it will not be any time soon". Yuck. that about sums it up for now! Hopefully my next post will be announcing our number!

Casting

2010-01-31T16:29:00.000-05:00

I have been struggling alot this week - yesterday morning was particularly awful. My life verse is Isaiah 40:31 and I have been repeating it over and over again out loud and in my head. "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall fun and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." I am having trouble with the "wait upon the Lord". I know that His timing is perfect, and that He has chosen our daughter for us since the beginning of time (which, by the way, is incredible to fathom!), and yet I sit here day after day, sometimes hour after hour obsessing about being a number, getting our home study done, analyzing the numbers, etc. I know that those who have never gone through adoption often have a hard time understand the helplessness that I feel, knowing that my daughter is alive, and possibly hungry and lonely half-way across the world. And I know His timing is perfect, but sometimes it is hard to remember! (although I have alot of people who mean well in my life reminding me of this!). So, as I was running today, going through my prayer list, the word "casting" came to mind. and I thought about how the Bible talks about casting, and I figured that the nets that the disciples used to cast over the side were probably not light:). So, I am casting all of this heavy anxiety that I have to our God. and I mean casting, throwing, plummenting toward heaven!

it is a new day

2010-01-28T07:29:00.000-05:00

so, back to my thankful blog - I am going to try to concentrate on these things today and try not to think about elkhart county indiana. Here goes!
our small group - love hanging out with them, being encouraged, learning and praying for each other
Jesus Christ - through Him I can do anything (including not be anxious about our dossier!)
the snow!!! it snowed this morning and is still coming down - it is beautiful and a new day!
a bus to take the kids to school!
a whole night of sleep without the power going out!
coffee wednesdays!
baklajava cookies (it is this little place in pawling ny that makes the most incredible sugar cookies!
parents who started the adoption bug in my from an early age by being foster parents to 89 babies!
my adopted siblings - now that we are adopting we have had the best conversations about adoption, their feelings, etc.
our wood stove - the house is cozy warm and the snow is coming down!
happy Thursday!!!!
(and to all you out there still waiting for things for your home study - I am praying for you today!)

Such excitement - and then such dissapointment

2010-01-27T17:15:00.000-05:00

so, my day started out at 2:30 when our power went out for the second time in a week - and for no apparent reason. No wind, no storm, etc. And with three kids who love their night lights, it makes for a long night. But this morning was my day to call the FBI yet again, and I was bracing myself for the usual - maam it is 8-10 weeks, and no, you are not in the system. But we were! and the woman said that our prints are done and they are mailing them out! and when I got home from serving hot lunch at the boy's school, my man Charles who I have talked to every week since December had called and wanted to talk. He said that he looked for our stuff every day and today he saw that it was done and he even gave me a tracking number! Praise the Lord! I was jumping and screaming, in complete disbelief! So, I emailed all of our social workers to let them know and specifically to make sure that everything esle that we needed had come in so that once the prints came, the home study would be complete. Our home study social worker told me that Eric's child abuse clearance had not come yet from Indiana, so I called Linda, the person whom I talked to three weeks ago and who had told me that it would be done in two weeks. She told me that it was not done, and that it would be at least two more weeks! Just when I think that we have caught a break, something else is thrown at us! I broke into tears (completely normal for me nowadays) and she told that that she "did not want to hear my sob story!", that everyone has one, and that there was nothing that I could do to expdite the process. This is a little county office in the middle of indiana, not new york city for pete's sake! How many of these can they have to do!!!! So I asked to talk to her supervisor, who said exactly the same thing! At this point I was bawling, so I hung up and called Eric. God has given me such a great husband - he listening through my crying and yelling, and said that he would take care of it. He called me back 10 minutes later to tell me that he had called the senator from Indiana and spoken to his assistant, who told him that she deals with stuff like this all the time and would let us know. Please pray - I need peace right now - I feel like I am on a continuous roller coaster and I wonder how much more I can cry! But I know that our God is bigger than the FBI and bigger than Elkhart County, so I am clinging to Isaiah 40:31. Today I am thankful for
power that came back on one hour later (instead of 9 hours!)
friends who cry with me
my mom who listens and understands
a husband who knows just what to do to fix my problems!
kids who wake up happy from naps!
beef stroganoff (can you tell what we are having for supper?)
big, gooey chocolate chip cookies
a good cry
africa shirts from kim!!!
nerds:) (the candy, of course!)

day 4

2010-01-26T15:23:00.000-05:00

so, I have decided to only list 10 things a day - and i am going to try to list things that have brought me joy in my day!
our wood stove
seeing my kids at school, so happy to be learning
a daughter who can entertain herself - priceless!
grilled cheese:) with cheddar and provolone
a car that runs and has heat!
the sun! (yes, I saw it for a few minutes today!)
a hubby who understands why I call him crying in the middle of the day for no particular reason
good friends to bounce ideas off on
family that is as excited about our adoption as we are!
a school to send my kids to that not only teaches them academically, but also teaches them those priceless lessons, about loving and sharing and being selfless
Have a great day!
BTW - when I have any adoption news I'll let you know! Right now my thankful list is helping me not focus on my impatience!
happy tuesday

day three

2010-01-25T13:31:00.000-05:00

so, I went to Atlanta this weekend to visit Kim - my best friend from NC. When we moved up here she and her family moved to Georgia, and while we talk a couple times a week, we have only seen each other a handful of times since our moves. It was a great trip - we went to the art museum to see the da vinci exhibit, an ethiopian restaurant, church, a great southern diner, and spent time just catching up on life! Here are my 20 of the day:
Kim
a house with a roof that is not leaking (at this moment:)
a great group of moms to start my week off with
Golden Grahams
rain
our elliptical machine
cute little girl dresses
rain boots
hot showers
flip flops
thai food
my mom's Christmas cookies
coconut rice
south african tea
coffee!
internet
fruity pebbles
frozen grapes
daisies
green lush grass

Have a great Monday!

day two

2010-01-22T12:32:00.000-05:00

so, God has such a sense of humor!! Yesterday I wrote that I was thankful for electricity, and then at 1:30am our electricity went out. I think that God wanted to make me laugh - and he did@!!! It finally came back on this morning at 9am. So today, I am extra thankful for electricity:)
my 20 of the day
electricity (again:)
warm showers
fluffy pillows
cupcakes
cuddly kids in the middle of the night
friends who listen to your complaining
friends who love to laugh with you
a hubby who loves you (even after three kids:)
a hubby who will watch the kids for a weekend while I play!
juicy pears
jelly bellys (especially the pear flavor:) - my theme for the day
a daughter who enjoys going shopping with me
the sun
candles
yellow daisies
a good book
good eyesight
colors
my parents
laying in bed on saturday morning just because!
What are you thankful for today?!!

Thankfulness - Gratefulness

2010-01-21T15:18:00.000-05:00

I got the idea for this blog from another adoption blog that I follow - a place called simplicity (amazing story and such beautiful children!). I believe, especially in the place where I am right now) that thankfulness is a choice. Not much about my human nature says "instead of thinking about the negative, think about the positive!" So I am making the choice to be thankful. I am aware that for me, it will be a daily choice, and that I will backslide at times, but if I can run three miles a day during nap time, by golly I can be thankful! I am going to just list the things that I am thankful for, every day, even if they seem silly or ridiculous:). Please feel free to join me - I would love to hear what you are thankful for! I will limit myself to 20 things a day (so that I do not run out any time soon:).
I am thankful for:
comfy sweatshirts (the bigger the better)
fuzzy socks (in crazy colors)
chocolate chip cookies (the bigger and softer, the better)
my children right when they wake up and smell like sleep
real butter (oh yes - no margarine for me!)
jester hats (the bus driver always starts his day by laughing at me in my kids hat!)
the breeze blowing through my house (especially in the spring)
swings (big ones - where you pump so high you feel like you left the seat!)
sushi (oh, I feel a craving coming on)
fresh baked bread (do you sense a theme - maybe food related?:)
picnics (every day in the summer at the park!)
coffee with friends (as often as possible)
snow (alot of it - not just a few inches)
electricity (I am reminded of this one every time our power goes out!)
Friday nights (when I am not working the weekend)
waffles (every saturday morning)
seasoned mothers who wait to be asked and then offer such valuable advice
friends - the ones who will always be there, no matter how long it has been
worship songs - especially Hillsong (savior king is a favorite right now)
my hubby - he puts up with so much and never complains - I could never replace him!
Okay, day one. What are you thankful for?

This FBI thing

2010-01-20T12:58:00.000-05:00

okay - so here it is. Another (hopefully short) post about waiting for the stupid FBI prints. I am going to try to be eloquent and explain exactly how it feels! (as eloquent as I ever am). I feel like I am trying to get pregnant. And it is not working. And I am taking a pregnancy test once a week, or recently about every other day. and it is negative. And I know that all I need to do is wait, but that still does not stop me from calling, day after day, hoping to get someone who has a heart softened to adoption. It is also very frustrating to hear from other families that just a few months ago it only took a week. What happened in a few months? No idea - but I am definitely not having a patient week. For those of you wondering, yes I did call today, no we are not in the system and the quite perky individual that I talked to had the audacity to not only tell me not to call back for another 4 weeks, she decided to add on to the 8-10 week waiting time by saying that it takes "10 weeks or more!" Seriously?!! What could be more important than loving on a child that has never felt loved?! Okay, done ranting for the day (maybe:). On to something that I am thankful for - I am so thankful for friends and family who are sooo excited about our adoption and have already welcomed Kyria into their hearts and lives. You all are my rays of sunshine today.

2010-01-17T06:53:00.000-05:00

So, it has been awhile since I've posted - I would love to tell you that is because I have been so busy getting things done for our adoption, but sadly no. We are only waiting on fingerprints from the FBI to come back, and then we will be done with the paperwork and be put on the referral list to wait for a name and picture! Somehow, while I know that it will be equally hard to wait month after month to get a referral, at this time it seems preferable to waiting for fingerprints to come back. Anyways, yesterday I took Hannah to get her hair cut (it turned out so cute!!!) and we were talking to the stylist about our little girl in Ethiopia. I said that when she comes home I will have two boys and two girls - perfect! Noah responded that it will not be fair - he will only have one brother and two sisters, and he wants two and two. Then I said (jokingly I think!) that maybe we will have to go back for a little brother. after thinking about that for a minute, he told me that it still would not be fair, because Hannah would not have two sisters, maybe we should go back for another girl too. So, Noah has our child count up to 6 - which while terrifying (and highly improbable, especially due to monetary considerations), would be very poetic seeing as the blog name is our journey to 6, and that after marrying Eric I thought that 6 six would be just right. I guess we will see what God has in store for us!
On another note, my so thoughtful husband surprised me last night with a plane ticket to go see my forever friend, Kim, in atlanta next weekend. She has been there for 3 years, and while she has visited here I have never been there! So excited - especially because I am going by myself. While talking to Gini last night - I was reminded what that means - I get to fly on a plane by myself. No bag full of snacks, toys, and distractions. No worrying about if they will be loud, or if their ears will hurt. Now do not get me wrong - I love my little bugs. But 2.5 hours on a plane by myself - I am smiling just thinking about it! So, if you think about it, please pray for Eric next weekend. He is used to having the kids for the weekend when I go to work, but I am here in the morning and the evening, and this will be the first time I am leaving overnight and not taking the kids. I know that he will do incredibly well - but prayer never hurts!

2010-01-03T15:50:00.000-05:00

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. A few posts ago I was bemoaning my lack of patience. 10 years ago when Eric and I began talking about adoption, it was such a far off concept that I wondered if it would ever truly materialize. Then we began having our biological children, and again there was no need for patience (about adoption, anyways:). And now I am in a season of waiting. In the past 10 years, I have had many seasons. The season of being a burn nurse, a season a being first-time mom, a season of being a full-time nurse and a first-time mom, a season of being mom to two, a season of asking God why my child suffered, a season of leaving the familiar behind, a season of homesickness, a season of growth, a season of being a mom to three, a season of contentment. and now my season of waiting. Today as I was going through my "mommy books" I found a book from MOPS entitled "Just give me a little piece of quiet," by Lorilee Craker. I was looking through, finding paragraphs that I had highlighted in 2006, when I came across this section and the verse above. Next to it I had written "My time will come - my arms are waiting". Little did I know then that three years later my time is coming - and my arms are tingling with excitement. Here is the paragraph:
"At the moment, I am waiting for a child myself, a child who is growing, as I write these words, in her birth mother's womb on the other side of the world. Foreign adoption is a long, winding road full of setbacks and delays. And just when you think you have filled out your last scrap of paperwork, another couple of reams are thrown at you. Waiting to hold my baby daughter in my arms, to see her sweet face for the first time, is getting harder and harder. But I am holding on to the fact that God will sustain me and my family as we wait for her. And no matter how much I want to speed up the process, God is ordering my steps in His perfect time."

Christmas, New Years, and Paperwork!

2009-12-29T15:25:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! We are home from va and back in the blog world:) and back to the paperwork grind:) Today we received an email from our home study case worker, along with another long list of stuff to fill out! Will it ever end?! On the bright side, physicals are being done this week, and with the boys off of school we have been running errands trying to drop off/pick up the necessary forms that are left. I have such sweet children - they are actually excited about errands that they usually hate - they keep reminding me that the errands are for their sister, and we should do as many as we can. I love it! On a different note - I have a prayer request and a praise. First the request - there is a blog that I follow (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). Their adopted daughter Abby is battling cancer, and their 17 year old son was in a car accident last night - they are going through alot and could really use your prayers! On to the praise - Drawn from Water is a nonprofit group that is rescuing children from tribes in africa that drown their unwanted children - and they were asble to rescue two little ones over Christmas! if you are interested in their website - it is www.drawnfromwater.org. Praise God for His constant care and love!

patience

2009-12-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

Patience is not in my list of virtues. Ever. When I decide to do something, I have already thought it through and it is time. Now. Period. Like when I decide to cut my hair. It has to be cut that day. So, this week God is refiningme, to give me a new virtue - patience. I am trying! Our dossier, full of the rest of the paperwork and workbooks that we need to complete before we can get on the list for a referral, was sent from Oregon last Thursday, two day mail. I had them send it to my parent's house, because we are going to be here for ten days. Of course - I had it all planned out in my head. We could do the workbook, sort through the paperwork, write our autobiographies, etc. All here in Richmond, with willing babysitters and eric off of work. Is that happening? Nope. No dossier. Almost a week late. I am trying to be patient - but I check the front porch and the mailbox almost hourly. My life verse has always been Isaiah 40:31 - and more and more these days God is showing me why He placed that verse upon my heart. "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint". I am waiting upon the Lord, for His timing.

2009-12-21T20:31:00.000-05:00

So, one of my dearest friends sent me a Christmas package today, loaded with goodies for the kids, Eric, and ME!!!! And.....she had a wonderful surprise in there, actually two surprises! She had bought our new daughter her first outfit, from gymboree of course:) and she had made, yes made me the shirt in the picture!(of course, hannah had to try to the shirt on right away!) She knows my heart, even though we live so far away from each other! Love you girl!

more stuff!

2009-12-20T17:58:00.000-05:00

so, after a very eventful drive to virginia (during the "blizzard of 2009:), we arrived safely and for the next week we have constant "babysitters"! Which means that we are quickly checking things off our list. Today, we have completed 5 of the 6 online courses that we required, and we are praying that our dossier comes tomorrow! and we filled out the passport applications for the kids and I (eric already has his), and tomorrow we are going to apply for the passports and then we are going to get fingerprinted for the FBI (without kids!:).
At the same time - spending time with my family is so precious! And having two siblings that are adopted adds to the excited of our adoption! Eric only comes here once a year (because of work), so we all love having him here. We were the first to arrive, and over the next few days the rest of my immediate family will get here - I love Christmas!

more stuff to check off the list!

2009-12-16T15:21:00.001-05:00

So, after a fun-filled morning with awesome friends, we spent 1 hour at the bank getting all the paperwork notarized. And then the post office. The two places that I am terrified of! But - I did it! I can now say that after living in NY for 3.5 years, I have finally stepped into a bank!:) The contacts, agreements, checks, etc are all being over-nighted and once AGCI receives them they will send us more paperwork! Yeah! One more step towards our girl.......
(the picture is of a sunset from our deck this summer!)

2009-12-15T21:19:00.001-05:00

Our contracts came in the mail today, and we had our orientation phone call with our contact from AGCI! So, tomorrow we are going to get everything notarized, and then overnighted to Oregon so that we can receive the rest of the paperwork:). I spent the afternoon today setting up appointments for physicals, fingerprinting, CPR classes for Eric, passport stuff for me (thank you so much Mom for all your help!). Good grief! It is incredible the way my emotions can swing from being so incredibly overwhelming and panicky about getting everything done, to absolute joy and peace when I think about holding my daughter and seeing her play with her siblings. And I just need to say thanks so much to Gini for being my sounding board and constant source of info and encouragement (and today I do mean constant:) - our journey would be so different and lonely without you!

Our Journey to 6

2009-12-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

Our journey to six - six what? Six people in our family = four children! And no, in answer to your first question - I am not pregnant! We have started on the journey of adoption - a journey that started over ten years ago. We have been praying about this since before we were married, praying for God's timing and His heart for one that He created for us. For those of you who know me - this is a daunting task. The two things that I abhor most in life are the post office and the bank - I can count on one hand the number of times that I have stepped into both:). And yet, here we are, embarking on a journey that takes me weekly, if not daily!, into both of these establishments. As if that were not enough, the paperwork makes me want to crawl into a dark hole. Yet, I am pressing on, with the knowledge that a piece of my heart, a member of our family, is out there waiting for me, for us. I am not a "blogger", so this site will be simple. We simply wanted a way for those we love to join us daily as we follow God's heart towards our daughter. God placed Ethiopia on my heart awhile ago, and we have found an agency (All God's Children, AGCI) that has an orphanage in Ethiopia named Hannah's Hope (such a God thing - the orphanage was named after the first baby that started AGCI and her name was Hannah Elizabeth - which is our Hannah's name!). We are so excited to "be six", as Noah puts it!